𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐃

#.. NINE

"gunil likes a man.. but that cant be me, right?" hyeongjun thought as this time it was him sitting at the counter. gunil called in sick today, so hyeongjun had to do all the work by himself.

yet all that lead to was severe overthinking of... everything. "i'm not special in any way, i mean, that can't be possible. also, of course gunil's gonna have a shit ton of other friends. maybe it's one of them?"

he leant forward and closed his eyes. oh, how fucking much he wished that gunil was there that moment. everything would've been way easier.

hyeongjun wouldn't talk to him about it, god, he would seem like an arrogant asshole, but he just needed someone to talk to. he realised that he was indeed pretty lonely, now where seungmin was gone and gunil absend. the two were his only friends, even though he wasn't sure he could consider gunil his friend.

but gunil... this man was a mystery. he was hard to read and especially harder to figure out what he thinks. knowing that the majority of time gunil is zoning out and thinking about something. but he couldn't possibly think about his lover, right?

hyeongjun felt like crying. the feeling of the only person in his life loving someone else was one of a kind. one of a bad kind, though. he was scared of being replaced. what if gunil will quit because of them?

hyeongjun would be all on his own then, eventually forced to shut down the shop because, for fuck's sake, how is he supposed to run a whole shop on his own?

his fingers were freezing as they tapped on the keyboard of the computer, remembering all the eminem cd's he has to restock.

but he wasn't really present in his act, more like trapped in his head. if gunil really liked hyeongjun, for whatever reason, then why should he tell him? it would ruin their business.

besides, the probability for that is 0%. hyeongjun is unloveable. he decided that ever since he graduated. his first kiss never happened, he never held hands romantically.

all his friends had someone new every week, talking about how their girlfriends are the best in the world. and hyeongjun realised there that he likes boys.

he still doesn't want to believe it. people should love who they want, that's no problem for hyeongjun. but he himself? living in a conservative country as a homosexual was... not that desired. by him and by everyone.

so maybe that's what hyeongjun felt towards gunil - love? no, not love. maybe attraction but it wasn't quite love yet.

gunil was an attractive young man. everyone loved him: children, people the same-age, elderly people. just charming. he often received the words "you look good", so he'd always know the other's opinion. but did he agree with them?

gunil was funny. well, whenever he wasn't as serious as he usually was. but the factor, that made his unfunny jokes actually funny was his addictive laugh.

hyeongjun didn't consider gunil as someone he would like to spend his future with. not romantically, of course. but maybe it was indeed love he was feeling towards him.