Quandary | Noah Sebastian |

sixteen

A/N: Some of y'all are gonna be ecstatic, but some are gonna be mad I think 👀

The song I have Noah write is from this TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@badassomens/video/7256099061164428546?_r=1&_t=8grti7lMSFy

When Vic was able to calm me down after receiving Noah's present, she finally took me out for my birthday. Much to my surprise, she took me to the Beverly Hills Hotel, where we spent the majority of the evening relaxing at the spa. It was the most at peace I had felt in such a long time, and I was so very thankful for her surprise.

She took me out to dinner afterward, and though it was tempting to order myself a glass of cabernet sauvignon to pair with my steak, I didn't. I had to start somewhere, and I knew she was proud of me for doing so with the subtle grin and glimmer in her eyes.

It was very rewarding waking up this morning without a headache and being able to enjoy the way the sun poured into my bedroom through the skylight. I rolled onto my back and stretched, settling with my hands folded behind my head, admiring the way the clouds leisurely strolled across the sky. The only thing that would make waking up even better was if Noah were here, being wrapped in his warmth.

I certainly wasn't lying when I texted him saying that I missed him and that I wanted him to come home soon. He didn't respond to the message, which was disappointing, but I could understand that it might still be hard on him.

Maybe the saying 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' was true, after all. I missed waking up tangled in his arms and legs, opening my eyes to see the sleep glossing over his chocolate irises. I missed the sheepish grin paired with the low and raspy sound of his voice saying good morning. I missed the feeling of his lips grazing against my skin, so delicate and warm.

I missed the simple things, too—us occasionally dancing in the kitchen while preparing dinner or pushing each other away when we didn't want help with cooking. I missed the way his voice jumped several octaves when he got flustered while playing a video game or teasing him when he got startled. I missed him singing around the house mindlessly or while playing guitar or watching him and the guys practice.

God, did I miss his voice.

"Oh, that's right," I mumbled to myself, tossing the blankets off and sitting on the edge of my bed. I picked up the flash drive that I placed on the nightstand last night and rolled it in my palm; thinking about his voice reminded me that I still needed to listen to it.

I stood, stretching once more before retrieving my laptop and headphones, settling back onto the bed, and folding my legs in. I rested the computer in my lap, turning it on to let the flash drive upload the file. It buffered for a few moments, my stomach tying itself into knots the longer I was forced to stare at the spinning wheel of death.

It finishes, and I click into the file, the 'play' button staring me in the face. My heart hammers in my chest, picking up my headphones with trembling hands. Was I ready to listen to this?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to steady my racing heart and settle the headphones on my head. After a minute or two, I opened my eyes and pressed 'play', an energetic guitar riff funneling into my ears. It quickly flows into a slower, almost sullen beat as his voice comes in, and my heart plummets to my gut hearing the pain in his voice.

Eyes start to blur out of focus
I call out but you didn't notice
You know that I know that you're hurting
Still we sit alone

It wasn't a long recording by any means, but I played it over and over again just to hear the voice that I realized I had missed dearly. Each time it started over, my eyes filled with fresh tears, eventually spilling over, and streaming down my face. Before I knew it, I was sobbing.