For the past 3 years after the battle of heaven and earth, disabled, Levi wrote out his life story before dying peacefully in his sleep.
Spoilers if you haven't finished the manga
Ms. Blaus came by for tea the other day. I noticed that there was still tension between Gabi and Kaya.
It seemed that Kaya has to forgiven Falco. To be fair, Falco didn't shoot her sister. Gabi was smart enough to read the room and excused herself and headed home.
Kaya is a kind girl, I see the kindness of Petra in her, the grit of Sasha, and the strength of Isabel. I wish Sasha could be here to see how much she has grow. How strong she had become. She tells me Artur has been teaching her how to use a bow and arrow, though most preferred method of weapon now is the gun.
Kaya won't get near a gun. I don't blame her. I haven't touched one myself since the war ended.
It warmed my soul to see her eyes light up as I went into story after story about Sasha. The antics she and Connie got up too, her moments of bravery...her ability to make people smile in the darkest of times.
I also opened up about my time in the Underground, I've come to the point where it doesn't really matter where I came from.
As I was talking about my old squad, Kaya reached across the table gently grabbing my hand. The kind gesture shocked me.
She had tears in her eyes, and I began to apologize for upsetting her. I didn't realize some of these stories weren't age appropriate.
She shook her head explaining that she didn't realize just how much I have lost. Kaya said she felt guilty for feeling so sorry for herself. I managed to put that line of thinking to an end, I explained to her that the pain of losing those you care about the most didn't have levels of sadness to them.
I did hesitate when she asked me what I hoped for the future. I wasn't going to tell he what my long term plan was, no one was going to know.
Kaya wants to become a nurse one day, saying she wants to help people just like Sasha did.
She'll make a fine nurse.
**************************************************** You are probably tired about reading about my old squad. I sound like a typical war veteran who can't let go of the past.
But it's hard to let go of the past when they ghosts stay around to haunt you.
I still remember the day the wagons of the dead rolled in from beyond the walls. Silently walking past Petra's father, then hearing his anguished cries as he realized his daughter was gone.
Gunther's father remained stoic. He had never been one to show much emotion, especially after Gunther's mother had died. He thanked me for seeing the potential in Gunther, and his nurse escorted me from the home.
Oluo's brothers were a challenge. The two youngest didn't quite understand what I meant by killed in action. The middle boy just sat silently, the older one screamed obscenities in my face and stormed out of the house. I hear he's joined up with a radicalized group of Jeagerists. Oluo's father sat quietly holding up his wife who was sobbing. She kept wailing over and over about her "first baby being gone".
Those painful cries still keep me up a night, and now I don't even have Hange to help me through those nights.
If I'm being honest, losing Eld was probably the hardest on me. I remember watching him in his last year as a cadet, hoping he would join the Scouts. As soon as he enlisted in the Scouts, I went to Erwin to ensure he was put in my squad. He was a scrappy young solider, but knew how to keep the mood light. He saw many of his friends die and still kept moving forward.
Soon after I had Gunther transferred to my team. And the two years later I picked up Oluo and Petra.
Eld was never afraid to put himself in danger, especially to help his fellow solider. He also had a kind heart, consoling Petra and Oluo after their first time outside the walls. Both in shock at the brutality of titans, and pissing themselves.
During that expedition, I lost my vice captain. Jay was in the wrong place at the wrong time as a Titan swooped down, snatching him out of the air, breaking him in half before devouring him.
Eld came to my office that night. It was one of the first times I saw Eld cry. Jay had been like an older brother to him. He blamed himself for his death. I told him that if he wanted to survive this world he couldn't shoulder the weight of the dead.
Too bad I could never take my own advice.
The next day, I made Eld my Vice-captain, a choice I made with no regrets. He served his position well. He had proved himself time and time again to be a strong leader. As much as I didn't want to let him go, I was planning to recommend him for promotion to Captain after the 57th expedition.
I felt sick as I flew over his body, or what was left of it. I still feel a flare of anger when I see Ms. Leonhart in town.
When I told me of his engagement to Emily, I tried to encourage him to transfer to the Garrison. Despite being in the top 10 of his cadet class once you pass up a chance to join the MPs, that was it.
Eld, as stubborn as he was refused. I should have tried harder.
Emily approached me the day after the expedition. The bodies we brought back were in the morgue, waiting to be put in coffins.
I remember hearing a loud commotion as I was taking one last look at my squad, broken, the light of life gone from their eyes.
I almost laughed out of sheer shock when Hange escorted in a girl no bigger that Nifa or Petra. Hange and I couldn't help but admire her mental and physical determination.
Hange told me she wanted to see Eld, and several Scouts had tried to stop her.
Apparently Eld had taught her a bit of hand-to-hand during his leaves.
Hange and I both tried to talk her out of it. I didn't want her last memory of the man she loved to be his bloodied corpse.
But she insisted. Refusing to leave, staring me down.
After offering her one final chance to change her mind. I slowly untied the make shift body bag. I was expecting her to collapse to the floor in sobs. Hange was too as she stood behind her ready to catch her.
But she just stood there silently, looking down at Eld.
She mumbled something about his ring hand being gone.
Emily then turned to me and asked why his eyes were open.
I was taken aback but the question.
With tears in her eyes she asked again, why were his eyes still open.
Neither Hange nor I had an answer. So Emily reached over and gently closed Eld's eyes. Giving his blooded forehead one last kiss, she turned without saying a word and left the cold room of corpses.
I never got a chance to apologize to her. I don't know what happened to her after the war, the Rumbling. Maybe she had been one of Eren's casualties, maybe she had fled Paradis at the first possible chance, or she was still there taking a yellow rose to Eld's grave on their anniversary every year.
I cried in Hange's arms that night. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last we spent evenings together comforting one another.
-Levi Ackerman
************************************************* Levi put the pen down, putting his head in hands. He let the tears flow, but this time Hange wasn't their to hold him close, stroke his hair, tell him he had to keep moving forward.
"I'm so sorry Eld...I'm so sorry" he sobbed.
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