After The Ending (John Frusciante)

Chapter 26

Amaya opened her eyes and stared at the few water stains running across the lightly coloured ceiling, her eyes stinging from the brightness radiating from the window and her heart racing in anxiety as soon as the realization of whose bed she was currently occupying set in.

She turned her head to her right and observed the figure next to her – he was still sound asleep, his mouth slightly open as his cheek was so adorably smushed into the pillow and his arm loosely draped over her. He looked so innocent, almost child-like as he laid there, his breathing even and his arm so securely placed on her that Amaya had a hard time comprehending the sight in front of her.

Nothing about this made sense. Not yesterday and definitely not today, the whole night melting into a confusing blur and an overwhelming mix of emotions. One moment they were smoking together on the roof, laughing over Matt's toes and the next, she mentioned the blanket and it was almost as if a some sort of a switch had flipped in him. The look in his eyes turned into one of desperation and discourage, but even if it did, he still placed his hand on her cheek and pulled her close and that's when Amaya wanted to flee, because his touch was suddenly too much for her to bear.

After everything, it was too much for her and she really tried to get away, but she stumbled and he caught her and that's when she ended up between his arms, more disoriented than ever.

She could feel her body shiver when he placed his hands on her neck and then slid them to her cheeks, pressing his forehead against hers and whispering a pained "I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?" is all she asked in confusion, the first proper pair of words she had managed to utter after a good while.

He looked exhausted and heartbroken as he opened his eyes, his hands still on her cheeks and his forehead pressed to hers.

"Seeing you every fucking day and not being able to touch you," he finally worded, the look in his eyes now more serious than ever.

The lump that had previously formed in Amaya's throat was back with a blink of an eye, and she couldn't stop her eyes from watering, because this.. This was not something she was ready for.

"John.." she managed to mumble, but the way she said it was so weak and feeble that it gave everything away.

It gave away the fact that she couldn't understand what was happening and also the fact that perhaps she didn't even care anymore. It gave away just how much she wanted to hate him, but was never going to be able to do that and it gave away that just like John, she couldn't do any of this anymore either.

She felt exhausted and lost and the moment John's lips landed on hers, after all this time apart, she decided that she wasn't going to fight it. Even if she was going to regret this moment of weakness, she just wasn't going to fight it.

Amaya could literally feel John's heart race when they kissed there, on the roof, and she could hear him whisper an affectionate "Maya" once they broke the kiss, the look on his face suddenly so hopeful and sincere. He took her hand and guided her through the tiny window, back inside the house and then towards the door entering his room. And once they were in his room, Amaya asked no questions, even if she was unsure of what was to come.

He kissed her again and again and again, until they were in his bed and he whispered that he missed her and wanted to be hers, almost making her cry. She didn't say anything back or answer him and soon she understood that John didn't even expect her to answer. He just wanted her there with him, wanted to be hers as he said and she didn't know whether those desperate words made this whole thing better or worse, because she just didn't understand it.

But even if she didn't understand it, she still didn't stop him from kissing her until their lips got sore and then wrapping her tightly into his arms.

"Let's just sleep, okay?" he only whispered after a moment, his eyes fixated on hers regardless of the surrounding darkness.