Belonging

Old Pain New Wound -Severus Snape-

- Severus Snape-
Monday Evening

When he realized his future mate had left the Headmaster's tower in that giant joke of dress Filius had put her in, the final filament of sanity snapped inside Severus and he went sprinting out of the office behind her. Why agree to marry him only to go parading around in that absurd costume and get the rumours started early? He wanted to prevent her from being seen, so he chased her.

The other staff surely did not expect him to do so, and he easily got all the way down the stairs before any commotion of their following was heard. When he saw the dress going around a corner down the corridor he barked her last name. She did not respond. This was entirely idiotic.

What good was having a mate that was obedient enough to marry you at a single polite request from the faculty but so empty headed as to moot the point by appearing in the halls in white frilly gown that could only have one conceivable implication?

It incensed him that she would go out dressed like that for everyone to see. It was pure rage that drove him along, and the eyes on them as he pursued her near the Great Hall only added to it. He saw how they were all looking, it confirmed his anger. She was making a spectacle of him. Why would she not just stop when he called her? Why would she disobey his order?

He was left with no choice but to catch up with her, and finally he got his hand on her wrist. Moments, mere seconds after making physical contact with her flesh the blood that had been loud in his ears began to quiet, his angry belly stopped twisting, He realized he had been yelling something about loyalty. He had gone out of his bloody mind. His face, that had been so twisted up in anger, dropped off as he looked at her terrified expression.

He was the problem. He should have let her go. She likely would have transfigured herself if she hadn't been chased. Even if she hadn't, she could have played it off as a humorous spell gone wrong. If he hadn't chased her down the hallways and man handled her in front of everyone. A wedding dress alone means nothing but a man chasing the girl inside it and grabbing her meant a lot more.

"How dare you demand loyalty from me after that temper tantrum you put on. Let. Me. Go." His future mate was crying, was struggling, and here he was holding her wrist against her will like some kind of abusive monster. He tried to think of what to say, he knew it should be sorry. He reached for the word, but was too much of a coward to say it here, in front of his students.

"This will only work if you obey certain rules-" His mouth was saying something awful and uncalled for again. He had fumbled this so badly. It did not matter if he should or would expect her to keep their lives private, he was the one who had fucked this up, not her. With the physical contact he could think clearly. He knew he had been awful, he just didn't know how to fix it. He watched as she removed and launched her new wedding band down the hallway.

"This was for you. You asshole." She was correct. She had in fact just married him in spite of his temper to save his job. Married him in spite of the fact he had not even been sympathetic to her. He let her go. It was really the only kindness he could do right now. He went to retrieve the band, taking it over hastily from a student's fingers.

He held the ring in his palm and the memories of Lily, long pushed down, swam up. He made his way to his rooms, holding the golden circle and staring at it. He toyed with the one still on his own finger. A memory of holding Lily while she wept, distraught at being mated to smug, condescending Potter. He remembered how her ears had throbbed and her belly growled. He remembered too clearly when the hiccups started and then there was no choice but for her to go to him. Severus' hugs were no longer comfort enough, she needed to touch Potter, medically.

He had wanted to marry Lily. They had made plans, they had made promises. He had clung onto those promises until the hope was gone. He had watched her hold Potter's hand during class to make her ear ache go away. Though she had reported he was vile to sit with, Severus had felt sick watching his love go to another for relief. Yet, he had hated seeing her in pain. He knew he had not helped anything when he had yelled and cried and made her feel sick with guilt over being mated to his bully. Now here he was dumping all that pain on Watson.

He sat in his rooms, calling a house elf to bring him some food. He stared into that little ring and realised that he would need to be the source of his new mate's relief. More than that, he would need her too. He had better think of a way to apologize. For now he slipped off his ring too and put them together in his drawer for safe keeping. At least the rings could be together without fighting.

He looked at his own wretched face in the mirror. "You have a chance to be better than you were. Don't be a dunderhead about it."

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