Always

Chapter VI. Doubts

I woke up without knowing where I was. I couldn't fully open my eyes; they were really heavy.

I closed them and tried to open them again. They darted across the vaulted ceiling. I knew this stone light brown ceiling and this smell. It smelled like antiseptic, medicine, with an undertone of soaps and cleaners. I veered my head left and saw a big window that extended high until it almost touched the top of the wall. I was in a bed in the Hospital Wing. How did I get here?

"She's awake", I heard someone speaking from my right side. I look and saw Theo there, sitting on a chair beside my bed. Sage on his left side.

"Hi babe... ", Sage said, leaning forward and grabbing my hand between hers. I open my mouth to ask what had happened, but I didn't have the chance because Nurse Pomfrey was already there checking me.

"Hello Anna. You're in the Hospital wing. You fainted in the rain. Theo found you and brought you here. You were freezing cold sweetheart. You're lucky he found you soon enough. How are you feeling?", she asked in her sweet, motherly voice, placing a hand in my forehead to see if I was feverish. She helped me to sit up on the bed, my back resting against a tower of fluffy pillows.

"A little dizzy and thirsty too...".

I heard Theo snort, hiding his smile behind his hand. I looked at him in confusion, not understanding where the fun was. He swallowed the laughter, clearing his throat.

"I just thought that due to the amount of water you had last night you didn't want to do anything with it ever again."

"Theodore Nott, that was not funny.", Nurse Pomfrey glared at Theo, putting her hands on her waist in an outrage gesture. She shook her head and turned to me again. "I'm going to get you a draught for your dizziness dear and a glass of water.". She glared at Theo in a warning look. A glare that I don't think he even notice. "I'll be right back."

As soon as she left, Theo, Sage and I just stared at each other and we burst out laughing.

"You scared us, babe...", Sage was still holding my right hand.

I lowered my eyes to my lap, the smile disappearing from my face. My left hand was resting on my lap and my fingers started playing with the white sheets. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Theo dragged his chair closer to the bed, and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his thighs, hands together, fingers intertwined. I could feel his hard gaze on my face. "What happened last night? What did Mattheo told you for you to leave like that into the night and into an upcoming storm?"

"I didn't know there was a storm coming...".

Nice way to avoid the question Anna.

Sage's eyes darted between me and Theo, her brows shot up, a look of surprise on her face. "You talked to Mattheo? What...?", she mumbled, "What happened?"

"That's exactly what I'm trying to find out Sage. What happened Anna?". Merlin's sake! He was not giving up. Not after I ended up in the damned Hospital wing. I could hear his foot thumping on the floor nervously and feel his gaze burning holes in my face.

"It doesn't matter Theo. Not really. Not anymore.". My voice was just a murmur at the last two words. It really didn't matter. There was no way out of this mess. "He was drunk Theo. It was just the alcohol talking. He was just trying to hurt me as much I hurt him, It's not his fault."

Theo got up in a flash. His chair falling to the floor with a loud crash. I looked up at him. His eyebrows were furrowed in a deadly look. The blue of his eyes a darker tone than usual. His voice was deep and full of anger.

"Are you mad? It doesn't matter? Do you see where you are Anna? You are in the fucking Hospital wing... You told me not to follow you, remember? Just to get to Slytherin dorms and find out that you were not there and not even Sage knew where you were. So, I went to Hogsmead again, in the pouring rain to look for you, leaving Sage here in case you came back. Thank Merlin, I found you soon enough or I don't know what would have happened to you."

Theo was now pacing from one side to the other in front of the bed. "He is my best friend, my brother. But I swear I'm going to fucking kill him. I'll break every single one of his bones and there will not be a mending potion strong enough to fix him". He was talking more to himself now.

I thanked the heavens for the fact that there was no one else in the Hospital wing.

"You're not going to such a thing Theo.", I begged. Tears were starting to fill my eyes.

"You need to tell him Anna.", Sage said in a lower voice. I just shook my head, saying no.

Theo stopped in his tracks, facing the bed. Facing us. I couldn't look at him.

"Tell me what?", he demanded. Sage squeezed my hand tight. "Tell. Me. WHAT?". Theo raised his voice, almost shouting at the lack of response from me and Sage and it made flinch a little.

"Do you want me to tell him?", Sage locked a strand of hair behind my ear. Her voice was so calm. I just kept staring at the sheets, head low. No, I did not want to tell him, but by the look of things I didn't have much choice. Theo always knew something was not right. He told me himself in the Three Broomsticks last night. And Sage just confirmed his suspicious.

"Sit down Theo. I'll tell you everything." Sage let out a breath and then words started pouring from her mouth. She told him about Voldemort, about his threat. About how he threatened to take my life if I didn't leave Mattheo. She told him how I said no and how he decided to threatened his son life instead, because he had better plans for him. Plans that didn't evolve a, so he called, mudblood.

After a while I just felt someone sitting onto my bed, right next to me. It was Theo. He pushed me towards his chest, hugging me and I started crying. Again. Soaking his shirt with my tears.

"Fuck Anna... I'm so fucking sorry!", he kept holding me and rocking me to calm me down.

"This is fucking bullshit but you breaking up with Mattheo and leaving is not the way. You're not a quitter, you're a fighter. And you need to fight right now. You never feared Valdemort and you're not starting now. Neither of us are. Mattheo needs to know. We can figure something out. All of us. Together!"

"He can't know Theo. If he does, he will want to confront his father... He is imprisoned in Azkaban, but he still has followers, people who act according to his wishes. People who can hurt Mattheo. I can't risk his life. I can't risk your life. Sage's life. Enzo, Blaise and Draco's lives either.". Theo let out a frustrated sigh, hugged me harder and kissed the top of my head.

Sage was still holding my hand; Theo was still hugging me but I still felt utterly alone.

Doubts started to play in my head... Was I making the wrong choice? Was I choosing the wrong path? The easiest way out? I was afraid of the threat hanging above Mattheo's head? I could not lose him. But... wasn't I already losing him by letting him go, by not fighting?