MINE!

I Think I've Already Lost You...

"A gun?!" I see her hands shaking as her fingers wrap around the silver metal "Are you serious?!"

She jumps up off the bed with the gun in her hand and I rush forward

"Taylor, that's not a toy, don't wave it around! Give it to me!"

"Oh I should give it to you" she steps forward and holds the nozzle of the gun right over where my heart lies "maybe if I put a bullet in here you would have some sort of Idea how it feels every time you let me down"

"Taylor..." she lowers the gun and hands it to me, I take it, make sure it's secure and then put it back in my closet before turning to her. Her eyes are filled with tears as her chin quivers

"You haven't changed at all"

"You're wrong"

"You had a gun in your pants Travis! You were kissing me with a gun in your fuckin pants!"

I step towards her and try to put my hands on her shoulders but she pushes me away "I almost fell for it again" tears begin to roll down her cheeks and I reach for her as she once again slaps my hand away

"I wasn't sure who was at the door"

"So you grabbed a gun?!"

"My situation is... it's complicated okay?"

"No, not okay. Your situation is 'complicated' and yet you were willing to pull me back into that world weren't you? Like I didn't suffer enough the first time round"

"Taylor we both suffered last time"

"Only one of us was to blame though Travis, weren't we? Only one of us committed a crime, only one of us was sentenced to jail but I suffered... I suffered then and for the next two years and just as I'm almost free, just as I'm moving on and I'm happy you turn up and you do everything you can to try and drag me back down to your level. Walking around with a gun, scared of who's going to turn up at the door, is that the life you want for me Travis? Is that the life you want for yourself?!"

"It's the life I have right now Taylor, but I need you with me"

"I won't do it, not again"

"I need you Taylor, what happened the first time, it wasn't supposed to happen"

"Are you talking about what happened to you or what happened to Hector Hernandez or are you talking about what happened to our baby?"

"Taylor, what happened... me, Hector none of it was related to...our..." I can't even say the words, for almost 3 years I have been avoiding the event, the words, the thoughts

"It's what triggered everything Travis, what changed you"

"I was alway bad Taylor, ever since you met me and you knew that"

"But you were never cruel. You were never a cheat, never a murderer"

"I didn't kill Hector Hernandez and you know that"

"No. But you might as well have"

"Taylor, baby, this is all twisted in your head. The things you're saying, the way you're looking at it, it's all wrong, the timeline's wrong, what happened is wrong... you've had 2 years playing and replaying the events and now it's all messed up"

"I lost our baby! My dad blamed you, said you were a waste of space that could never support a family you got involved with the wrong people and Hector Hernandez is dead... close enough?"

I close my eyes, and then twist my neck to the left and the right and enjoy the way my bones crack. I look down at Taylor, tears flowing down her cheeks, her hair sticking to her forehead, her body shaking with sobs.

I did this... I did it nearly 3 years ago and I'm doing it to her now. I step forward and wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly to me as I rock backwards and forwards making soothing noises into her hair

"I'm sorry" I promise her "For everything, I swear to God I'm sorry" I smooth a hand down her long, blond hair

"You have to let me go" she whispers through a sob

"I don't know how to" my own eyes fill with tears as I cling to the only girl I ever loved and although she's closer to me than any other person on earth she couldn't feel further away.

I'm losing her...

She's already gone...

"Please, Taylor, baby, please don't leave me"

"I have to. We can't keep doing this" she suddenly wraps her arms around my waist and clings to me like a baby koala, just like she used to

"I love you though" I admit through my own tears

"I love you too" those world should bring elation, they should give me hope and make me more determined to win her back but I know what it means, I know what she's saying...

It's over

I lost her

I lost the one thing that I swore I would never lose