Accept The Truth

Chapter 3 - sometimes you have to scream

     The knocking send me spiraling into panic. 

I raised a hand to check the time: 2:00 a.m. My mouth was dry and my hair was plastered to my face with sweat. I raised my head and the room spins, and I steady myself with the edge of my dresser. I leave my bed and the warmth drains from my body. I slip through the crack in my door and find my way down the stairs. My hands search blindly for the light and once it's clicked on, I see the tall lanky body in the doorway. The door is pushed open, and Lance is standing there, hair mussed up, face contorted with pain. "Please." He cries, pushing open the door full way. He crashes his body to mine and my head is tucked in the curve of his shoulder. He's hugging me. "I'm so sorry." He sobs, tears leaking out of his eyes. "Please, don't push me away." He says, and he pulls back to look at me in the eyes. 

"Lance, go away." I say, my voice catching in the layer of sickness in my system. His pain seemed to freeze and he rubs my shoulder. "Are you okay, Clarence? You look sick." I nodded my head and shoved him towards the door, but he stood board straight, hands not leaving mine. "Amalie was beautiful, Clarence. What happened wasn't my fault or yours." He said gently, and I almost give in.

But then-

Pain, blood, crying. 

Hands grabbing nurses. 

Screaming. 

"Get away from me!"

"You ruined everything!" 

"Get away from me, Lance. I can't do this. What we did-we crossed every line, we broke every barrier. Every time I told you that It was too much you pushed me a little harder, until that night that everything changed! You made me! You pushed me into doing it with you! And do you know the pain I went through? Everybody was disappointed in me! Everybody thought I was breaking a law or something! And I brushed it aside, told them to forget it because now it was happening and there was no going back. And you continued to push me. 'Her name should be Mary, we should stay as a couple and not get married, we should stop school and get a job!'" 

"I am so done with it! And you know what, it all was for nothing! She died! She died and that killed me inside and do you know what my parents said when they found out? 'Wow.' Yes, wow! Like i'm some kind of show or something, like i'm some kind of movie! They can watch me and cry and laugh and get mad at me, but guess what? It's not there freaking lives!" 

"Get away from me Lance! Because guess what? You all wanted her dead, everybody did! I was the only one who actually loved her!" 

I screamed. And then I screamed again, over and over until I was so tired and weak I slipped to the floor, head between my hands.

Lance was gone.