poems

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Most days i wish for the pain to end

For a chance to get away from it

A chance to feel no more

Most days i wish to be lifeless

I sit and think about it for hours on end

With tears streaming done my face

And onto my lap

Then i feel guilty for the thoughts i have

Guilty because a little part of my brain says think of your family and your friends

Think of how it will show my tormentors they won

I feel guilty for having these thoughts because of how much the pain is

When i have a family and friends

Then i remember how shitty my family is

My mum is either yelling at me, making me her slave or just plain up ignoring me

My dad who is too preoccupied with his new family to even realize how messed up his first kids are

A brother who without me would go hungry

A sister who would lose her shiny plaything

Then i remember how none of my friends knows me will enough to really care

Its realization like this that made me just wants the pain to end no matter way

It is an endless circle.

Me wanting to die

Me feeling guilty as fuck

Me making all those realizations

Then it just starts up again and again and again

Until it will get too much and i finally won't feel guilty

Then it will be my time to say goodbye

Like so many before me