Hot Chocolate Stand

Rain

!TW: suicidal thoughts, abuse, and
The F-Slur is in this chapter)
(I am queer so please don't attack me)

Jake's POV:

24 hours ago...

In the world, sometimes we can't choose who we are. I didn't choose to be gay. But I guess that's what people think. That I choose to be hated by many people. That I choose to be banned to step foot in however many countries. That I also really wanted to get shot just for liking a boy.

When I saw my dad, I really wanted someone to hit me with their car. "Jake get in the house right now" he says. I looked at Devon then back at my dad. I got out of Devon's car and went into the house. I knew what was coming, or I thought I did. But he just looked at me. No screaming, no yelling, nothing. He takes a deep breath and I thought he was about to yell. "Jake go up to your room I'll deal with you tomorrow after school" he says calmly.

I walk up to my room worried. From his angle he probably thought I was actually kissing him. I was fucked, I knew what was gonna happen tomorrow. Even though I knew what was coming I still was scared. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about anything. I just wanted to leave this place and live a completely different life.

I've thought about running away many times. But the same thing kept stopping me from leaving. Him, I kept staying here just because of him. I also stayed because of Nadine as well but sometimes I think that everything would be better if I wasn't here.

I wanted to sleep but I couldn't; I was wide awake. I didn't know how long I stayed up but I just remembered laying on my bed just doing nothing. I realized I fell asleep when my alarm woke me up. I just laid in bed for a a few minutes. I didn't want to go to school. But I knew that when I walked into school I wouldn't want to leave school and go home.

I look at my phone and see a notification from Devon. I just ignored it and started getting ready. I remember that normally Devon takes the bus to school so I decided to walk. I put on my shoes and grab my house keys and start walking to school.

The whole school day just felt like a blur. I wasn't paying attention to anything in class. Then during lunch I sat next to Nadine and Lexy. Then I saw Devon, and I didn't want him to bring last night up at all. So I just picked up my lunch and left.

I was at my last class and I didn't want to leave. I was scared to leave, but mostly scared to go home. When the bell rung I felt my stomach drop. I knew what was gonna happen when I stepped foot into my house. I knew it what was gonna happen as soon as I saw him yesterday when he saw me with Devon. I walked home knowing it would take longer.

I walked up to my house and I was just standing there for a few minutes. Then I walked inside. I knew he was home but I didn't hear him call my name or anything. So I just went up to my room hoping he was too drunk last night to remember what he saw. After a few minutes he called me down for dinner. I went down and I sat at the table.

We were both sitting there the whole time with awkward silence. After a few minutes we both finished our dinner. He took a sip of his drink and took a deep breath. "What were you doing with that boy?" He asked. "I wasn't doing anything" I say looking down at the table. "So that boy was forcing you to do that?" He says taking the last sip of his drink. Even though it was probably his fourth drink of the night.

"He didn't force me to do anything, and I already told you we weren't doing anything." I say looking up at him. "So you just let that boy do that?" He says staring straight at my soul. "That boy has a name you know?" I say stand up from my chair. "I don't give a fuck about him having a name the only thing I care about right now is why my son is a fag" he says picking up his glass and throwing it across the table.

He doesn't throw it at me but the broken glass still cuts me. I had so many things going through my head. But all those thoughts lead to me wanting to kill myself. I didn't want to deal with this. I didn't want to deal with anything. I've thought about not wanting to deal with anything ever since my mom died.

"I already fucking told you I wasn't doing shit with him" I say. I start to feel my eyes tearing up. Got I fucking hate this feeling. When you cry and you can't stop. "I know what I saw! I'm not fucking blind, like your mother when she was driving!" He hits the table and everything on it moves. I couldn't believe what he just said. It was hard to respond because everything was just flooding my mind.

I couldn't stop the tears in my eyes. They just kept going and going. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. As much as I tried nothing could stop them. It was all too much. "You know that wasn't her fault it was the drunk drivers fault!" I shout. Why did it have to be my mom in that car. I either wish it was him in the car instead of her. Or better yet me in that car dead. Not dealing with any of this bullshit.

"Get out." He says, "what?" I'm confused what does he mean? "Get out of my fucking house! I don't want a god damn faggot in my house" he shouts. I just stand there, is he fucking serious? He shouts something at me again but I can't hear him. I can't hear anything. "Leave my house right now and come back when you're normal" that was the last thing I heard from him before I grabbed my phone and left the house.

I had my shoes on the house time because I was too tired to take them off. I opened the door and saw it was raining. I just didn't care, I started running. I couldn't stop, I just kept going. I didn't know where I was running until I stopped. I was standing out in the rain. I was cold, wet, and I felt like killing myself then and there. Just throwing myself in front of a moving car.

I then remember a house that's near me right now. Devon's, his house is five minutes away. Well if you walk there, but I've been running. I didn't know where else to go so I started running. I like running, I really only run because I like to feel the burning in my lungs.

I kept running until I stopped at his house. I stood in front of his house for a minute. Worried on what was going to happen. What if he going to kick me out like my dad? There were so many thoughts going through my head but I walked up to the side of his house. I went up to his window and saw him working on his podcast. He looked stressed and I thought this was a bad idea. But I knocked on the window.

He looked up but he didn't notice me. He took off his headphones and then I knocked again. He walked over and opened his door. He probably thought his mom was at the door I guess. I knocked one more time and he turned around and saw me.

He walked up to the window and opened it. He was surprised to see me. He stood there for a second processing what was happening before he pulled me inside. We were standing there looking at each other. I was completely soaked and freezing cold. "Hey, sorry for um showing up here out of no where. I didn't know where else to go" I say quietly. After I said that he pulled me into a tight hug. Then I felt myself start to tear up again.