FreeFall

My tormentor... my savior?

Shane's POV:

We had been driving for over an hour, but he didn't tell me where we were going. I looked out the window at the clouds, which were preventing the sun from shining. Looks like rain. The radio is playing crappy music. I'm not really picky, but I don't really know this music and it's not good, but I don't want to say anything.

My cheek still hurts a little. I didn't lie to him when I said it doesn't hurt too much, but I can't control my emotions anymore. I don't usually cry this much. I don't understand.

[Maybe my mask will finally fall]

"Hey Shane? Are you hungry? Or do you need to pee?" I looked over at him.

He's extremely tense because of the whole situation. How much does it stress him? Or rather, how much am I stressing him?

"No, but thanks for asking," I replied calmly and stared at him longer than necessary. His gaze shifted to me.

I wonder what he's thinking, how he thinks, does he even think? His gaze lingered on my eyes, which isn't really a big deal because we're stuck in traffic anyway, but I feel a little uncomfortable.

"Nerd?" he spoke softer than usual and took his hand off the gear shift and placed it on mine, as if it were the most normal thing. I looked at his hand, but he left it on mine.

"Why the bridge?" he continued speaking gently to me. I would be lying if I said I didn't like this tone.

I shrugged, I have no idea why I ran there. I didn't want to jump. Or did I? And I just don't know? No, this time it was different. I didn't want to jump, just to a place where no one would see me and cry.

He gently brushed his thumbs over the back of my hand. It somehow felt strange and I only looked at our hands, but not in a bad way, rather in a good way? Or am I losing my last bit of sanity right now?

He kept driving and took his hand off mine and cleared his throat, as if he wanted to collect his thoughts. But it's me who's losing my mind.

I stared out the passenger window and watched as the clouds slowly let the rain pour down on us.

I love the rain. Always have and always will. No matter what happens, rain calms me. It feels safe. I can't explain it well but it's like the rain is something that protects me. The sound, the smell, the atmosphere it creates. Many people are always annoyed by rain.

For example, as a child, I loved going out in the rain and playing with Noah. Even if our parents... well, let's not go there. I didn't even notice that we had stopped until Damien touched my shoulder. And he whispered softly: "Are you asleep?"

I looked at him and slowly shook my head. His gaze moved down to my cheek and he brushed his thumb over it. OK WOW STOP!!!!

What the fuck? No! Nope! No way! I'll hit him if I have to. I wanted to remove his hand from my cheek, but as absent-minded as I am, tears were already streaming from my eyes again and I didn't even notice?! Am I really always in this trance?

"Everything will be fine, I promise you. I don't know why you're crying, but everything is okay," his voice, so... calm... No, rather gentle. No, not gentle, rather reassuring.

"I don't know why I'm crying, to be honest," I sobbed 'manly'.

He laughed lightly and took his hand away from me, for once it bothered me. I sniffled and took a tissue and tried to calm my emotions slowly.

"Shane, let it out. It's okay," he looked directly into my eyes and we were closer than ever before. Maybe a head's length apart.

"I don't usually cry this much. Maybe it's the weather?" I said.

But Damien shook his head slightly and distanced himself again, but he didn't say anything except that we were there. He got out of the car and I followed suit. We went to a cemetery? Okay, bro, just say you want to bury me easy.

I looked at him with confusion, but he didn't even pay attention to me, he just kept walking. He was like in a trance himself. And the rain really wasn't making it any better for once.

We arrived at a grave, but I didn't recognize any name.

Okay, maybe it really is my funeral... I slowly started to get scared. I stepped in front of him and looked into his eyes. But they were dull, like the clouds that were letting their rain fall on us.

"What the hell are we doing in a cemetery, Damien?" I said more nervously than intended. He looked at the grave and then looked at me and smiled.

"Okay, this may seem extremely sick to you now, but..." (dramatic unnecessary pause in which Shane wants to kill Damien) "we're at my sister's grave."

I don't know what my face looks like, but my jaw really dropped to the ground.

"Why?" I spoke calmly to him and looked at the grave.

"She took her own life 10 years ago... a-and" I turned my gaze back to him and saw his tears. I saw how hard he struggled to find words.

"I... I..." he swallowed hard and wiped his tears from his face, which were now mixing with the rain, which had gotten worse.

"This is what someone looks like who couldn't stop the suicide of someone they love." His voice became quieter and the rain louder. Now I understood why we were here. I held my breath and froze.

"You should know, Ner- Shane, I never got over her death, not even today. A-and Noah wouldn't have either," he started trembling, but I did the dumbest thing in my life and hugged the taller one, my tormentor, tightly, or as best as I could.

I couldn't find the words. I was shocked. The rain finally stopped and yet we stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity. His body slowly calmed down. His trembling became weaker and I let go of him carefully and took a step back.

"I'm s-sorry, Damien," I spoke honestly and extremely softly.

He looked into my eyes, gently gripping my shoulders. "You don't have to be. But every action you take, whatever it may be, has consequences for everyone around you. I didn't see it. How could I? I was too young. But Noah, he saw it in you. And I'm glad he did. When he yelled at me on the bridge, I was paralyzed not because I was shocked that he was yelling at me, but because of what he was yelling. Shane, I know we are the way we are and I like teasing you. But that... man, I couldn't do that again. Not lose someone who means something to me."

"What do you mean, Damien? How do I mean something?"

He swallowed hard and looked up at the sky.

"Bullying you should never escalate like that. However, your presence, in whatever way, is important to me. If you had jumped... then I don't know, I wouldn't have survived either. I guess."

The rain finally stopped. Here we stood, facing each other in front of his sister's grave. On a cemetery, both soaking wet. But none of that mattered to me anymore.

He showed his vulnerability for me to trust him. That means a lot to me. He would have never done something like this a week ago. No, he wouldn't have.

"Promise me, please Shane. Before it gets to that point again. Hit me, yell at me. Let it out on me. Because any pain would be more bearable than seeing your name on a grave." He grabbed my wrist and his tone became incredibly firm, as well as his grip.

"Fuck Damien, I'm doing it!" I yelled at him, overwhelmed with emotions, and my tears fell once again...

[My defense weakens and he is the reason for it. My tormentor... my savior?]

—————So guys, another chapter finished heheh. It wasn't easy for me to write all of this. However, as someone who has tried it themselves, please talk to your fellow humans about it. It's not always obvious, but if it's affecting you personally, please reach out for help. It's worth it. Take care of yourself, people who read this. If no one has told you, I'm proud of you and even though we don't know each other, I'm grateful for every one of you taking one breath after another and living! Phew okay, I'll stop before I start crying for real...