Paint It Black [ ChanBaek ]

9

The bedroom that was devoid of colour and full of despair, now it is warmth and happiness that he feels under the duvet tangled up in sheets hearing the soft melodious hum of Baekhyun’s breathing, Chanyeol rolls to his side and presses a wet kiss on his shoulder blade, traces his fingers along the bare skin on his back down to his hip bones.

Baekhyun lifts his head from the pillow to look at him, he is lying on his stomach.

“You are annoying you know that right?” He grumbled yet his body shivered when Chanyeol’s hands touched his inner thighs.

“I was getting bored” Chanyeol shrugs, as he moves closer to the other.

“So you decided to ruin my sleep”  Baekhyun rolls his eyes but his fingers find  Chanyeol’s hair twirling through it.

He pulled the brunette towards himself, so he could see his face. Baekhyun is small and somehow fits right into him.

“I love you” Chanyeol murmured cupping Baekhyun’s cheeks, looking right into his eyes. He isn’t expecting an answer in return he just wants Baekhyun to know that he loves him. That he finally has someone to say these words to.

Baekhyun’s eyelashes flutter shut and his lips tremble a little. He slowly buries his face in Chanyeol’s chest sinking onto his side. Chanyeol can feel water dripping down his skin, Baekhyun sobs under his hold. He tightened his grip on him instantly, Chanyeol felt like a butterfly yearning for the cocoon, he wanted Baekhyun to feel safe, and wwantedhimself to be able to feel safe too.

Under the moonlights the avenue lay still. The sidewalk is still wet from the rain. They both lean on to the old dampened wall. Baekhyun’s hair flutters along with the mild breeze as the smoke from his lips curl into the air.

They watch the few commuters walking down, chatting.

A pair of headlights come bouncing over the street blinding them temporarily before passing and disappearing. Chanyeol immediately grabs Baekhyun’s wrist, his body jarres as if he has been hit right into his face.

Chanyeol knows no physical blow will ever amount to the pain that is etched with the memory.

“What?” Baekhyun demands, there is an urgency in his voice.

Chanyeol tries to speak but somehow his mouth fails to form words. He wants to tell Baekhyun, that he can’t hide or run or fight them, those memories are indeed his and always come back to haunt him.

“I fought with my parents that night...I was so angry” he speaks in a hushed tone, he doesn’t know if Baekhyun can hear his voice or not. He just needs to say it.

“Writers starve to death that’s what my fathers told me, I was always the disappointment to them...I ran away from the house my parents burdened me with their judgments....what I didn’t know is my brother who followed me...he was always someone who took care of me....” his breath hitches, swallowing a lump he pauses for a few seconds to get his thoughts together.

Baekhyun is quiet, he doesn’t pull away his hand from Chanyeol’s grip.

“The car...the car hit him...all I saw was a light and there was a scream” he still hears that scream in his nightmares it tears through him like a shard of glass.

“And he was gone, just like that...I couldn’t do anything but stand there like I was frozen” Chanyeol feels his fist clenching into his knuckles and nails digging in the palm of his other hand.

“My parents said they wish it was me and not him....they never spoke to me again...and... I..sometimes can’t help but think that they are right” his voice cracked sounding hoarse, Chanyeol could taste the salty tears on his tongue.

“I feel so useless, like am living a life I am not supposed to live...like I don’t deserve”

Chanyeol isn’t sure what he is saying all his words, and thoughts are jumbling up in his mouth. His heart feels like it is being yanked out of his chest. He sinks on the dirty ground not caring if anyone sees him.

He is being held and someone is rocking him slowly. The pain came in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses to breathe before hurling back into the outstretched arms of his grief. “I am there. I am there for you” Baekhyun’s small voice echoes into his ears repeatedly.

That’s all he needs to hear before he collapses into the oblivion of unconsciousness.  

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