Beholder

Chapter 25

BEHOLDER.
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CHAPTER 25.
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NOKWANDA.
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I stared out of my window as I watched the kids that were on the streets play with their ball shouting happily and making so much noise at the excitement of the game they were playing. I found myself reminiscing of my own childhood when I was just their age. When I had such high hopes for myself. Where I felt like the sky was indeed a limit. I used to believe so much in myself and had everything figured out but now it seemed like I had become a shadow of my own self. I took this huge breath allowing my hand to touch on my flat belly, my eyes still stayed concentrated on this ball these kids were kicking and that's when sadness engulfed me. I have been able to keep it together for the past 3 months since Jason left me. At first I thought he was going to come back but time kept going and Jason still never returned until eventually I got the message loud and clear. I wasn't the only one he had gone ghost on. His friends and his family were also on the same boat as me. Hurt, worried and me mostly betrayed. I felt sick majority of the time and I knew it was heartbreak tearing me apart physically since emotionally it wasn't killing me.

My bedroom door creaked open making me move my attention from the kids in the streets and my eyes landed on my grandma who was all dressed up and the smile on her face told me how she had waited for this day for so long. I was the only left female child of this family that was not married. All my sisters were either married or have already had their lobola and engagement party. And than there was the poor old me. Who couldn't even keep a man.

"You look amazing baby." She walked over to me and began pinching my cheeks like I was a baby. I couldn't even smile back at her. There was nothing to smile about.

"Gogo. I am so happy to see you." I hugged her and she gladly returned it but I found myself allowing my broken part of me to lay in her arms so I could find some hope in her.

"Yini mntanami?" She brushed my back and it was like she just invited my whole sorrows. I was a bit emotional ever since Jason walked out on me. It was all I could be. Just an emotional wreck that kept praying and hoping one day I would wake up without this ache in my heart anymore.

My grandma took this huge breath like she understood me even without saying anything to her. "Your mother told me you were dating a white guy and he broke your heart." She was rubbing my back but I didn't respond or say anything to her instead I remained the same position,allowing her scent to fill me with comfort.

"Kulungile nono." She continued brushing my back as my tears gushed out some more. Everyday it felt like this was new. This whole being dumped by Jason was a wound that kept on getting worse and kept on bleeding. I just wanted to make it close and heal up but who was I kidding I was never good with break ups or healing from them. I went straight into depression when Vusi left me. "Angimfuni u Vusi gogo." I stated honestly. I didn't want these lobola negotiations to go on or the whole traditional wedding that is to follow after the lobola negotiations. I can't believe I allowed my mum to bully me into agreeing to this nonsense. "Haibo Nokwanda. His uncles have already finished the whole lobola negotiations. As we speak you are Vusi's customary wife and yes I understand your pain concerning ibhunu lakho but akekho lana. He left you."

"Ngikhulelwe gogo." She was the first person I had told not even my friends knew about this, she released me instantly and looked at me like she was trying to search for some answers but my tears were answers enough. "On Nkulunkulu wami." she closed her mouth with her hands,her eyes never left my teary ones. She walked slowly to the bed and took a seat on the edge of it. "Uvumeleni pho Nokwanda?" She asked.

"Ma gave me no choice gogo,both she and dad they gave me no choice." I answered truthfully as I made my way to my grandma. I bent before her with my hands on her thighs. It was like she was taking in my confession. "Liyazi leli bhunu lakho?" She asked but I shook my head no, how could he have known when he has made sure to turn himself into a ghost. Nobody knows where he was or if he was still even alive wherever he disappeared to.