Beholder

Chapter 33.

BEHOLDER.
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CHAPTER 33.
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JASON.
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I sat on this couch and watched my friends having a laugh. They looked really happy. They were both in a good place and had their soulmate by their side and than there was me who has messed everything up with my soulmate and I even messed up even more when I threatened to sue her for custody just because she was leaving me and going off to start a new life in Jo'burg. I only reacted like that because I didn't want her to leave me. I need her. She's literally the only reason I even hold on to this life of mine. She just makes sense.

"Are you trying to cry?" That was Austin hitting me with the chips that we were having whilst we watched some rugby in his place.

"I fucked up again." I took a sip of my beer and they first looked at each other before their eyes moved to me. "What did you do this time?" Greg asked, his blue eyes were begging me to not say I fucked up on Kwah again but I know they already knew I once again fucked up on Kwah.

"Ek het vir haar gesê as sy weggaan, sal ek haar dagvaar vir toesig oor ons kind. Wie doen dit aan die moeder van hul kind? (I told her if she leaves,I will sue her for the custody of our child. Who does that to the mother of their child?)" I sighed when I thought how Nokwanda must be feeling wherever she was. If I thought she hated me than right now she despised me.

"Jy moet haar net om verskoning vra. Sy sal sien dat jy dit niet bedoel het nie. (You just have to apologize to her. She will see that you didn't mean it.)" Austin said being chilled out like that was a simple thing. I don't think Nokwanda wants any of my apologies. She was tired of me and just wanted me to leave her alone and at this point I am considering just doing that.

"Al wek ek gedoen het, is om met haar deurmekaar te raak en ek wil net dinge regmaak en net vashou. (All I have been doing is mess up with her and I just want to fix things and hold her in my arms.) "

"Whoa there buddy." Austin sat on his couch looking at me like I was letting my emotions over power me. "Jy is getroud Jason, sy sal jou nie weer in haar lewe toelaat met daardie ring aan jou vinger nie.(You're married Jason, she won't let you back in her life with that ring on your finger)" He was right, she won't let me near her as long as I was still married.

"I mean Austin is right." Greg shrugged his shoulders like a little kid. "So what, I should just divorce my wife?"

"Personally I don't know why you got married in the first place." Austin sipped on his beer but I had my good reasons for choosing to marry Emma. "I mean she's his high school sweetheart so I guess that's why." Greg came to my defense but Austin rolled his eyes. Whose side was this man on?

"Than why are you over here pining over Nokwanda. I mean if you love Emma as you claim you do than Nokwanda should just be some woman you got pregnant by mistake but you're out here pining over her and following her around like you're still in love with her. It's either you want her or Emma." Austin said and shit his words hit home because at this moment I did feel like I was the villain of both these women. They both have given me their hearts and I was playing with both their hearts. Not intentional though.

"Man would you chill." Greg was trying to get Austin to tone it down but Austin was right. I did not know what I wanted when it came to both of these women except Nokwanda wouldn't leave my mind. She just was there. No matter how much I tried to shut her off, she wouldn't go away and my heart stayed chanting her name.

"Nah he's right. I thought Emma was the right choice back in London." I stated honestly. "I was on the verge of death and she was there taking care of me and that brought back so many feelings for her."

"Nokwanda also wanted to be there for you but you shut her out Jason. You're this confused because you chose not to trust her." Greg gave Austin this look that said 'You really need to tone it down.'