I want to thank all my reads and this book is dedicated to all of you.
A week later....
I've never worked on a music video shoot.
No, scratch that. I've never worked in wardrobe for a shoot period, or been inside of an actual studio for that matter. And now that I'm here,
I've got to admit I'm nervous. Like what the-hell-was-I-thinking-when-I-accepted- this-job nervous.
This project was accepted on a very short period of time, and Regina was hell bent on not letting this assignment slip. It's refreshing to work on something different than the usual and I immediately took up the responsibility to assist Regina just for the sake of my sanity.
My mind's not been functioning properly after the meltdown in The Skyline. I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do. Whatever transpired between me and Gabriel was very much overwhelming for me. I don't know where do we stand now or at least where do I stand. I love him there is no question about it; I'll always love him but is love enough for us to pass this phase.
I thought I was working him out, I thought he was opening up to me. Seeing him scared and terrified is not a moment I rejoice. Seeing him hurting hurts me more, but what is hurting me is that he has closed himself off and it agony for me.
I wanted to know him, all of his flaws and defects that made him perfect. But after that incident, he had somehow reverted back to the person I saw in the club for the first time after the college festival. The closed of man, with calculating eyes, gauging my every actions and reaction.
I regret my decision of getting whipped- I think all that pain I went though was for nothing. I thought he would understand me, my feelings for him, that I love him as much he loves me. That is possible for me to love him as much as he does, but I guess I was wrong. But why? Have I failed to show him, failed to prove my love for him?
Then I think I understand one thing about this impeccably majestic man that I've fallen in love with, he's terrified to lose me. So much terrified that he would do anything in his power to keep me safe and to himself-which three months ago I would've thought was over-the-top but now when I feel the same about him as he does about me, deep down I'm scared shitless of all the members of The Skyline he'd dabbled with because they all want him and would do anything for that...like Siena.
But the truth is I don't only want him... I need him...like the air I breathe and the more I'm away from him I'm losing my mind. I want to go back to him but I'm scared how will I find him, drunk out of his mind, naked with his whores, and what more banging them all together. And there is Andre looming in the corner. I don't know whether Gabriel is helping him or not. Would he listen to me? Did Gabriel leave me to go to Andre?
It's been four days I have walked out of Infinity and to my shock, he didn't fight much, of course he tried to stop me but he didn't press hard enough. Didn't sense fuck me, or gave me a reminder fuck but watched me walk out on him. I couldn't take the growing distance between us. It was slicing my heart and making me bleed.
"Where's that costume, Sunshine?" Regina asks impatiently. I blink my eyes as my coffee cup hovers near my lips and that brings me back to the moment.
"I'll get it." I say around the rim, gulp down the rest of my already cold coffee, grimacing at the taste before I stand up and walk over to dispose the cup. "You want anything else?"
She walks around me towards a small desk and bends over to sign on some paper. "Nope, just get the thing." She mutters distract, scribbling her pen as she flips through the pages.
