Chapter 16

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If I move, it shows I'm not in a dream. If I move, it becomes real.

"So you've remembered me," Nicco shoots at me. I cross my arms.

"You were sick. Aster said-"

"Yeah, right, Aster said. You don't care about what I think at all." He's hard to look at. The rage in his face. His eyes, like green flames, flashing in the near darkness.

"I do," I whisper. I feel like I'm six years old all over again, helpless, depending on Nicco entirely.

Nicco stamps his foot. "Why couldn't I come?!" he shouts at Aster. "Why didn't you wake me?!" Blake and Gabriel aren't here, they're filling their flasks down at the stream. He wouldn't throw a tantrum like this in front of her.

"I- you needed to drink the potion while it's hot!" says Aster weakly.

Nicco's still glaring, his fingers curled into fists, nails digging so deep into his palms that I shudder and wince. "I hate you," he spits out, and storms into the tent.

I flinch when Aster touches me, my eyes so focussed on Nicco that I didn't notice him moving towards me. Then I bury my face into his chest. I'm so tired, and I'm scared. Nicco and I are so shaky now. I feel like I'm manoeuvring between landmines and everything can be destroyed with one wrong step. Will this last? And if it does, what then? He's my other half! My best friend! My confidant! I can't leave him. I can't, I can't, I won't-

"Levy, it's not your fault."

"Stop it," I say. "Stop saying that. It is. I've ruined everything, again."

"Stop beating yourself up," says Aster gently. He's so nice. And it's been a while since we've spent so much time together. I wish I could enjoy it.

Gabriel and Blake break through the trees. He's pale and absolutely poised, his hair a shock of black. His eyes are dark and brooding, but I see the slight flicker in his gaze, the amount of effort it took to keep himself ready. I could see the strain in his face.

I feel as if I'm crumbling too.

I shake my hand out of Aster's grasp and start running. I have become faster than Nicco, maybe faster than Aster, and though he calls after me I don't look back. I know that Blake has stopped him from going after me because he definitely would have otherwise, and I'm glad.

I run. I have always run when I felt angry, to let something out. It was easy to burn through my rage with physical pain, blocking out everything, every little worry and misgiving, so I can focus on the task at front.

I trip over a root and fall. I'm absolutely winded, the breath knocked out of me, and I'm crying. I hug my knees and cry. I'm so sick of Nicco being angry at me. I'm so sick of everyone telling me it isn't my fault, because I don't care about their opinions, I don't care. I only care about Nicco. I wish everyone would stop being so nice.

I don't want to leave this place, this copse of trees. I'm too tired to pull myself up, to start running again. It seems too safe and secure. I'm digging my fingers into my flesh, but not moving otherwise. My head is ringing and I can't see through the blur of tears. My cheeks are sticky with them and my throat is sore. But I don't want to move.

If I move, it shows I'm not in a dream. If I move, it becomes real.

I'm tired. I curl into a ball, the wind blowing my hair into my eyes spitefully. It sticks to the tears on my cheeks.

I know it's Nicco before he speaks. I can sense it. He's my twin after all.

"God, Levy. I'm sorry."

It's because of that word that I break, that I don't act cold and unresponsive. Has he ever said sorry to me and meant it? I don't know. I don't think so.

I fling myself at him and he hugs me fiercely. I'm crying again, but silently, silently. Scared to set off a landmine that might detonate at any minute.

Still, I don't want to let go. In the end, it's him that does. He practically pries me off.

Poor sad Levy, running back to his twin again.

"I didn't mean it," he said. "When I said I hated you. I didn't mean it."

But you meant everything else. "I know," I say, desperate to make up.

"The potion didn't work," he says bleakly. "I- had another vision. I think it's because when I drunk the potion before, it was too concentrated."

"But- but-" I stutter. I don't know what to say.

"Stop acting like I'm going to murder you," he says, irritated. Then he takes a deep breath. "Sorry. I don't really mind, because the visions didn't do any harm. But I'm just worried about it one might come on at a crucial time. I'm trying to find out if something is triggering them, or if there's a way to suppress them."

I suddenly feel so proud of Nicco. He's being so... grown up. "I will help," I say.

"You always liked solving problems," he says, almost scornfully, but I know he doesn't mean it.

"Well, I'm solving this one too." I give him a nervous smile.

"I doubt it. I think the answer to this must be magic," says Nicco. "Anyway. How was your trip?"

"We were helping Arielle- arranging her to be moved to Elysium. I spoke to the High Angel-"

"The Angel Gabriel?"

"Yes, him, and he agreed for her to be moved," I say. "We were just in the throne room, and it couldn't have taken more than half an hour. We didn't tour the Angel Realm or anything. It was-"

"Quite boring, I know," he says dryly. It unnerves me, how he can pull answers out of my mouth with ease. "Well," he says before I can speak. "I guess now we're going home."

Home. I wonder how Mum is doing. I wonder if everything will be alright. This seems an unsatisfactory ending to our story.

But it's an ending nonetheless.

****

The moment we reached home, I knew there was trouble. Nicco still had his visions, Gabriel was deathly pale, and though we reached home at eleven at night, Mum wasn't home yet.

"She can't be gone for long," says Aster, but Nicco's grumbling.

"My head hurts."

"I can go get some aspirin," says Aster, trying to be helpful.

Nicco sulkily nods. Aster goes to get the medicine.

"All my visions are of you," says Nicco. "Sometimes they're funny, but most of the time they're not."

"Oh," I say. I'm at a loss for words. "I- did I do anything?"

"Not yet," says Nicco darkly, and we lapse into silence.

"Do you still like me, Nicco?"

"I'm supposed to, aren't I? And I suppose you haven't been too annoying," says Nicco, almost graciously. He looks around. "Back to normal, then," he says. "I guess this whole trip was for nothing."

"No, it wasn't," I say before I can stop myself.

"Oh, I forgot. You got to see the High Angel. But I didn't, okay?"

"I wasn't- I wasn't talking about that," I say weakly. Even though I was.

"This whole thing was a massive waste of time," says Nicco. He glares at me, as if daring me to contradict him again. I stay silent.

It's the easiest thing to do.

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