She had ambitions that soared beyond the cage of her upbringing. Her dreams were simple yet profound: to find true love, chase her dream career, and break free from the shackles of her life. Yet, the day arrived when the cold hand of fate forced her...
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♬ Crack Baby - Mitski
☆彡
Grief was an odd thing.
It slithered into your life, sometimes creeping up silently, other times crashing down like a tidal wave. Sometimes it lingered for months, years even, each day a reminder of the absence that would never fully heal.
When Sofia passed away, I mourned her. I cried for her. I remember those days as a child, not fully grasping the concept of grief yet still feeling its weight pressing down on my tiny chest, as heavy as a stone. I was a child—I wasn't supposed to carry such burdens.
And now, here I am, engulfed in the aftermath of chaos, supposed to be grieving again. I should be a mess of self-hate, dread, and utter devastation. But instead, the reality settled in like ice in my veins:
I had just killed my mother, and I didn't feel a thing.
Those tears that had spilled from my eyes weren't for her. No, they were a reflection of the stark realization that I was a monster.
How could I not shed a tear for my dead mother?
I open my eyes, the noise of the motorcycle engine roaring to life around me, drowning out the chaos in my mind. The helmet strapped tightly around my head feels like my only anchor, the only thing keeping me tethered to sanity.
After I— did what I did, Caden must've called some men to take Lorenzo and Ivan somewhere.
But when the men searched the house, Valencia was nowhere to be seen.
I just don't wanna deal with any of this anymore.
And that is the plan. No more Caden, no more dealing with my parents. I won't even make a big deal out of the fact that Emory kept me in the dark about her sister. If she didn't tell me, her reason is valid.
I'm not interested in fixing things with Caden either. He made me feel like shit, I can't go through that again.
Something in my chest twists. It was my fault, it's all my fault that he said that and it was all for nothing because she hated me. She hated me and didn't want me and couldn't see me and I ruined him and killed her.
He taps my thigh, and I tighten my grip around him, my mind racing as he speeds up, exhilaration coursing through me like a drug.
I don't know whether to reach out to my brothers; the thought of their hatred if they knew the truth suffocates me.
I killed their mother for my own advantage and didn't feel anything.
All I want is my life back, or what is left of it—a life free from this darkness, free from the memories that claw at my sanity.
As we pull into the garage, I step off the motorcycle, reaching for my helmet. But before I can remove it, someone gently lifts it off my head from behind.
I turn around, just to have my hands gently grasped away from me and taken into Caden's, he examines them, his eyes coated in pain.
"I'm so sorry," he breathes, his gaze fixed on the fresh cut on my palm. The cool air stings against the wound, a reminder of how far I have fallen.
I stay silent, looking anywhere but at him.
"Talk to me," he urges softly, his voice laced with concern. "Please."
"I don't know what you want me to say, Caden." My tone is hard as I stare at the space next to him, desperate to keep my breaths even.
"Look at me." He says quietly as he gently traces my jaw with his finger, stopping at my chin before lifting it up.
His jade eyes are filled with a tempest of pain, countless emotions etched across his face.
"I'm fine, really," I insist, but the words feel brittle and hollow, barely escaping my lips. I just need to get away.
I don't want to have this conversation— not with him. Not now. Not ever.
He shakes his head, slow and deliberate. "Don't lie to me. Not this time. I can't handle it."
"You want the truth?" I bite back, bitterness coating my words. "I fucking killed my mom and didn't feel an ounce of remorse or sorrow."
His expression shifts, and he falls silent.
"I'm a monster," I continue, my voice breaking under the weight of my confession. "Which is probably why she never loved me." Pain floods my words, memories crashing over me like waves. "And Lorenzo—"
"He was supposed to be my dad, the tough guy I always looked up to. The man who loved my mom unconditionally and the man who would never lay a hand on his children." I choke out, pain flowing out onto my cheeks.
All I ever wanted was a normal life. A life where I could cry about failing tests or falling off my bicycle—not one where I questioned if I would survive to see the next sunrise.
I was supposed to be crying to my dad over boys. Not the other way around. Never the other way around.
"I was a child," I add, frustration bubbling inside me. "I deserved normal fucking parents." My finger presses against his chest, my gaze unwavering. "So did you and Roman. So did Sofia."
"I'm free now, Caden," I whisper, desperation lacing my tone. "So are you."
"And I'm sorry for what I put you through," I say, my heart aching. "But you had no right saying that shit to me."
"I know," he replies, anguish bleeding through his words. "Celestine, you have to understand that none of that was true, okay?—"
"Caden, I already believed those things. The fact that you said it only confirmed it."
"So just let me go, okay?" I plead, slowly pulling away.
"I'd give you everything in this world. But I physically cannot let you go, I am drawn to you, you undo me in every way possible. You are my everything. Everything. So even if I have to wait my whole life for you to forgive me, I will. Because you're worth it."
For the briefest moment, I consider giving in, allowing his words to wash over me, to drown out the chaos in my mind.
