She had ambitions that soared beyond the cage of her upbringing. Her dreams were simple yet profound: to find true love, chase her dream career, and break free from the shackles of her life. Yet, the day arrived when the cold hand of fate forced her...
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♬ Me And My Husband- Mitski
☆彡
Fear is an illusion.
Fear controls us, illustrates exactly how things are supposed to go. Fear is your biggest weakness.
Which is why I gave up on fear a long time ago. Fear of death, in particular. I used to be scared of the pain, scared of leaving this world.
After a while, it came naturally to me. And it was astonishing how waiting for death gave me some sort of life. I didn't give a shit about my actions.
If I wanted to do something, even if it was dangerous, or something I'd regret terribly later— I would do it.
I wasn't careful, there wasn't anything worth being careful for.
I had manipulated my own fear into recklessness. That fear was just a distinct memory, that if I'd dare to reach for it from the back of my head, it would be met with memories.
Those memories attacked me, so much that I ended up doing the same thing, repeating the same cycle I had been following for the last twenty-two years.
Being as irresponsible as I possibly can.
Because once the fear catches you, you can't get rid of it, it's like a shadow following you everywhere you go.
The thought of losing someone important to me had haunted me all my life, but this, this was different. It felt surreal, it was like facing my fears, yet it felt like the complete opposite.
I feel.. Empty.
Except for the alcohol, duh. See? A cycle.
In the haze of a room draped in crystals and clinking glasses, I stand— a seemingly perfect echo of the surrounding affluence. The chandeliers cast a glow on guests sipping wine, their laughter as light as air.
I look the same as them, but feel oddly out of place.
I put my drink down, running a hand against my dark red tight dress with a slit from the knee to heel. I'm not planning on getting wasted tonight.
My fingers brush the fabric of my gown, the luxurious texture grounding me momentarily. I set my drink aside, the decision firm in my mind—I'm not here to lose myself in the spirits tonight.
Remember what happened last time I did? Good, cause I have no fucking idea.
The blur of intoxication isn't for the taste but for the sweet oblivion it promises— a place where confessions and regrets could be whispered into the arms of uncaring shadows.
I'm not drunk now, but I feel numb.
"Aren't you Celestine Solace?" A voice chimes in from beside me, I don't bother turning my head. Well, at least until I've registered the fact that he called me by Solace.
