Perfection Never Lasts (a Phanfiction)

Don't Help Me

Author's Note:

Um... I have a bit of explaining to do I think. I haven't been doing much writing lately. Well, that's a lie. I write every day, just as Ray Bradbury, who is a big inspiration of mine (may he rest in peace), said that everyone should do. Writing, even fiction, is good for venting and letting emotions out.

Okay, I'm stalling. Yes, I have not been writing on Wattpad in over a week which is abnormal for me considering I literally live on Wattpad. I've just been reading a ton of stories, and I haven't had much inspiration for fanfiction lately.

I guess I'm worrying a little too much about what people think about my writing. I'm just overthinking everything lately. I just need to stop thinking, and start writing. I mean, how many of you honestly look that closely into my writing? Hell, who is actually even reading this freaking three paragraph Author's Note?

Okay, I'll stop talking, and start writing now.

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I wake up in Phil's arms with sun shining into the window, burning through my eyelids. I turned around to face Phil. He was already awake, smiling at me sadly. I smiled back weakly. I didn't like when he worries about me. I didn't like to feel weak. I didn't want to be a burden to him. I loved him, and I loved that he loved me, but I didn't want to be the weak one.

"Good morning," he whispers before leaning forward to kiss my forehead.

I feel myself blush lightly at the kiss. "Good morning," I reply as he retreats back a couple inched from the kiss.

"Go shower, I'll make us breakfast," he said quietly, getting out from under the warm duvet. I shivered at the chill of not having his arms around my anymore. He leaned down to kiss my nose, and then before I knew it, I was alone in my room.

I looked over at the clock which read, 6:02. I groaned and got up. I could feel the dry tears on my face. I still hated that Phil continued to see me like that, but there was nothing I could do to stop the nightmares.

I grabbed a towel and walked into the bathroom, getting into the shower as Phil had ordered. I turned on the water and stripped. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was so skinny and pale. I could see my ribs sticking out. My hair was sticking out every-which-way. My face was tear stained. My eyes had dark purple bags underneath them.

I finally stopped critiquing myself and stepped into the shower. Once the warm water hit my cold skin, I immediately started to feel better. The water burned, staining my pale skin with red blotches, but it burned in a good way. I washed my hair and my body quickly, and reluctantly turned off the hot water flow.

I wrapped my towel around my waist, and walked back to my room. Once inside I find that Phil had picked me out some clothes and had folded them perfectly on my bed. I smiled to myself. I walked over to the bed picking up the skinny jeans and band t-shirt that he was picked out.

Once I was dressed, I walked out to the kitchen. I heard the shower turn on, and since Phil's parents would both be out right now, I knew that it was Phil in the shower. I walked up to the breakfast bar to find a bowl of cereal and a cup of hot tea. I loved Phil, but I kind of wished he wouldn't love me so much. It made me feel weak and helpless when he cared for me so much. He obviously knew about the nightmares, but I'd never tell them what they were about and I never planned on doing so.

I didn't need him to care for me as much as he did. Not that I didn't appreciate it, I just knew that he'd do anything for me. I knew that he'd risk his life for me if he had to, but I wanted him to think of himself before he thought of me, and he didn't.

I left my parents to keep Phil safe and sane, but now he's the one taking care of me while I'm the weak one, and I didn't like it.

I ate the cereal and drank the tea. I picked up my dishes, and washed them in the sink. As I put my books in my school bag, I felt arms wrap around my waist. I jumped a little because I didn't even hear him walk in.

"Ready to go?" Phil whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, making my cheeks turn pink.

"Yeah, let's go," I finally get out. His arms unwrap themselves, and he takes my hand in his. With our hands intertwined, we grabbed our bags and walked out the door.

"Are you okay?" Phil asked vaguely, ruining the comfortable silence that we were walking in.

"What do you mean?" I say, trying to look innocent, even though I know very well what he was talking about.

"You know what I mean," he said seriously, not buying into my innocent act. "What's wrong, Dan?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, Phil," I just didn't want to talk about anything and I wished he would realize and recognize that.

Suddenly, he stopped in the middle of the pavement, looking straight into my eyes. I looked down at my feet, not wanting to look into his bright, beautiful blue eyes. "Dan, please talk to me. I love you, and I don't want us keeping things from each other. I just want you to feel better."

"I said I'm fine, Phil!" I yelled louder that I wanted. I don't know where the anger came from, but I just wished he would leave it alone.

I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes, but he turned away and continued walking. I knew I should apologize, and I don't know what came over me, but I was just getting really annoyed by his kindness and his love.

I loved Phil with all my heart, but I just was in no mood to discuss my feelings.

I just wished that he could see that and leave well enough alone.

The remaining length of the walk to school was filled with silence. Not the comfortable silence that I know and love, but an awkward silence filled with tension that could be cut with a butter knife. I didn't like it, but I was in no mood to change it and apologize now.

I didn't even know why I was so mad. Was I mad that he was taking the more dominant role in the relationship? Was I really jealous of my own boyfriend? What was going on with me? I don't even know. I really need to figure out what's wrong with me.

And soon, before it gets even farther in between Phil and I.

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Author's Note:

And the drama continues. I Know, It's short, but it's all I have time for right now.

So, yeah.

Vote and comment below por favor!!

(I don't know why the title didn't show up at first, I guess I didn't save it properly or something, sorry.)