Taking a Gamble: Monopoly man x Pringles man

The Jiggle Jiggle Skin

A/N: to make the y/n stuttering more bearable, imagine he's beatboxxing and delivering some absolute BARS 

It was a stormy night in the small town of Ed Sheeran...but not in the way you might think. Someone was walking down the empty streets, his voluptuous ass cheeks jiggling so loud it sent sonic waves in every direction. Doors shut and windows were bolted as the figure jiggled down the streets, a tense atmosphere hanging densely wherever he went.

The man's name was Monopoly Monopolous Ebony Ravenclaw Draco Malfoy, the most feared mafia boss in all of Ed Sheeran. His only other competitor was Elmo, the boss of the Supreme Puppet Regime, but this isn't about him. It's about alpha walpha Monopoly.

Mr. Monopoly swayed his massive cheeks as he raced down the street, absolutely fuming with rage. His rage wasn't directed towards anyone in particular; he had a habit of hating everyone because he's the most emo man to ever exist since Emo Farquad. He was absolutely seeing red, foaming at the mouth while running faster and faster down the street to no destination in particular, needing to release his alpha sigma rage on someone, when suddenly he stopped in his tracks, his asscheeks nearly pushing him over from bumping against him.

He stood infront of a sketchy alleyway, looking on as person after person was buying pringles from a lone man. It was not the pringles, however, that caught his attention. It was the pringles seller. The man was tall, probably about 5ft 6, with a shining bald head and beautifully freakish pale white skin. His orbs were pitch black, no pupils in sight, and they sparkled against the harsh lighting of the street lamps surrounding his little shop. As he brought a cigarette up to his lips and started to smoke, Mr. Monopoly felt his heart beating through his chest, all previous anger forgotten. Having only had one look at the man in front of him, Mr. Monopoly already knew the man running this sketchy pringle's shop was the one for him. His other piece, his pookie wookie.

Suddenly feeling more confident than he probably should be considering his ass is a third of his entire body, he sauntered over to the shop counter and leaned on the counter, flashing his glowing red purple pink yellow rare legendary rainbow crystal orbs at the man.

"Hey," he said in his famously sexy 2020 Deku cosplayer voice.

"What's your name gowrl?"

The man stared at him with an unreadable expression, blinking his radiant crystal balls at Mr. Monopoly.

"U-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uh, it's p-p-pringles m-m-man. And you are?" Pringles man shifted back and forth awkwardly, his pale skin turning pink as he blushed furiously. Mr. Monopoly smirked, his lips (which were just a single black line) stretching to form a hideous smile.

"I'm Mr. Monopoly." He does not miss the way Mr Pringle's orbs widen, glittering with a sudden y/n fear. His smirk widens; he may hate people, but he sure does love the way they fear him whenever he's close by. His contentment is short lived, however, for Mr Pringle's pale professional complexion returns to his ugly cum-coloured face as quickly as it had vanished.

"I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i see. A-and w-what is your business h-h-h-h-here?" he asked calmly, still blushing.

"Well, it just happened to come to my attention that a cutie patootie like yourself was operating this shop, and well I guess I just had to come see it for myself," he said, taking Mr Pringle's cigarette from his lips and popping it in his mouth instead.

Mr. Monopoly's sad attempt at flirting was met with a sudden dead silence. The customers who had been previously snacking on pringles at the alley entrance turned to stare at him, looking absolutely horrified, while Mr Pringle simply looked taken aback. The absolutely caked up mafia boss also went silent, feeling a little angry about the possibility of his advances being rejected, and looked down for a moment. What the hell was his dumbass thinking? Mr Pringle was obviously way out of his league, with his blinding hairless scalp, and his toothless mouth...

"What the scallop did you just say..?"

The familiar, menacing voice snapped Mr. Monopoly out of his thoughts, and he turned around to face none other than his arch nemesis, Elmo. Oh my god.

Mr. Monopoly looked towards Elmo with disgust evident in his glowing alpha orbs, a look returned by Elmo as they glared at each other from afar. Mr. Monopoly was the first to speak.

"...and who do you think you are to ask me that question?" he asked, feeling his sigma alpha alpha rage growing with every passing second he had to be around the red furry.

"The fucking boyfriend of that pringles seller, that's who."

Another dead silence. Mr. Monopoly was flabbergasted, and he had to forcefully restrain his jaw from dropping. This.... Disgustingly handsome creature, was dating Mr. Pringles? He simply couldn't bring himself to believe it. Elmo laughed and repeated a bunch of Junko poses.

"You fucking loser. You think you can waltz into my territory, into the alleyway that I own," he junko posed at the wall behind him, pointing to his signature graffiti, "...and flirt with MY KITTEN?"

Mr. Monopoly felt himself shaking with outrage. He was being made a fool in front of his future pookie bear, by his enemy. But, for some unexplainable reason, however much he wanted to bite Elmo in half right here and now, he felt something he hadn't felt since... him. He felt hesitation towards violence. He clenched his jaw, glaring at Elmo with such hatred even Elmo looked a bit shaken, taking a step back and putting a hand on his gun. Mr. Monopoly had the advantage of strength, even with Elmo's gang around. Mr. Monopoly could probably beat up at least half the guys surrounding him before he got beaten himself. He really wanted to. He took a small step forward, and...

Mr. Monopoly didn't say a word. He simply glanced back at Mr Pringles with his ugly ass smirk before jiggling out the alleyway and around the corner, elbowing Elmo as he did. Behind him, man after man was smushed against the wall from the sheer size of his ass, while others cowered on the ground covering their ears from the sonic waves. Elmo, staring at him with a look of confusion and mockery, just laughed at him as he left, rubbing his arm.

"YEA, LEAVE WHY DON'T YA! COWARD! STAY AWAY FROM MY POOKIE WOOKIE DOOKIE SNICKER DOODLE BABOOKIE COOKIE CRUNCHING MOOKIE SOOKIE!!!!!!!!!" he hollered at the fading figure of Mr. Monopoly, before going into the alleyway himself, presumably to pick up after the mess his arch nemesis had left.

As Mr. Monopoly stomped home that night, he glowed red from rage. Why hadnt he killed Elmo? He probably could've if he really set his mind to it... he growled in frustration and did the worm on the floor, biting at the air and hissing while his humongous ass jiggled. In that moment of defeat, he promised that he would have his revenge on Elmo, and take Mr. Pringles for himself.

And he was never one to break his promises.