Taking a Gamble: Monopoly man x Pringles man

He's such a gentleman... 😨

*As monopoly man enters the scene, a cheering sitcom crowd sound effect that's almost 100% too happy for the situation starts playing.*

Mr Monopoly seethed with rage with his new found discovery. He thrashed around and growled like an animal, parents shielding their children's eyes- sorry, orbs, with disgust as the tiny mafia boss's cheeks clapped the ground from the force. He was going to kill Elmo, he swore on his pookie wookie he would.

Hoping to do so sooner rather than later, Mr. Monopoly howled like the alpha he was, (actually recoiled writing this holy shit) before galloping at full speed down the streets once again. He was so consumed with rage that whenever he and an innocent civilian crossed paths he swallowed them whole. People screamed and ran away from him, but he was relentless, and soon the busy roads were empty and silent once more, bystanders now all victims in Mr. Monopoly's hunt for revenge.

He didn't have to run much further before catching his first glimpse of Elmo's fleeting figure. His breathing had become harsh from exhaustion, but his stupid insane rage to avenge the future broken heart of his pookie urged him to carry on, and he sprinted even faster to catch up to his enemy. Elmo was much closer now, and Monopoly could now see he was walking alone on MONOPOLOUS TERRITORY, arguing with one of his goons on the phone. Rage was no longer the word accurate to describe Mr. Monopoly's feelings; he had transcended from anger to a whole new level of alpha sigma alpha infuriation. Extremely close now, he screeched before flinging his body full force at the oblivious puppet.

Elmo barely had time to react before the full force of Mr. Monopoly's body slam sent him flying into a wall. He groaned, but didn't even get to push himself off the ground before he got punched again.

"HOW DARE YOU! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME ELMO?" Mr Monopoly shouted, shedding tears (pussy) while grasping the collar of Elmo's fursuit.

"Who the hell are you talking about girly pop?!?"

"You know exactly who." Elmo groaned again, the pain from being legit body slammed into a wall catching up to him.

"BITCH I SAID I DON'T." the red furry yelled at him. 

Mr. Monopoly growled again, and Elmo had to hold back a laugh from how absolutely cringe it sounded.

"Does 'I'm in love with an Elmo Girl' sound familiar to you?" Elmo immediately got his shit together and stopped laughing, face morphing from cartoon expression to dead-pan realism.

"Holy shit, only Mr. Pringles says that... wtf man how did you know that?"

No one responded to the question. You don't want the answer either. If you do, no you don't.

"You're cheating on him with Big Bird! You DISCORD KITTEN!"

"Dawg that didn't answer my question-" Mr. Monopoly punched him before he finished his sentence.

"FINE FINE! I-I'LL ADMIT, I DID HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH BIG BIRD! I-" a single pearl-like tear rolled down Elmo's cheek as he choked out his confession in Mr. Monopoly's grip.

"-I WAS WRONG TO DO SO. B-B-B-B-BUT THAT WAS THIRTY MINUTES AGO! THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST, OK? BIG BIRD MEANS NOTHING TO ME I SWEAR." Mr. Monopoly stood there in a shocked silence, still holding tightly to the collar of Elmo's fursuit with his gnarly fingernails. Not once in the twenty years he'd fought him had he ever seen Elmo cry, or even shed a tear. Seeing the puppet sobbing from his confession was the most vulnerable he'd ever seen him, and it was almost enough to make Mr. Monopoly let him go free. However, blinded by the need for revenge, he didn't spare Elmo anymore pity than he deserved, which was none.

He went full cringe, pretending to be his own anime protagonist while viciously beating up Elmo. If Elmo weren't busy dying from the punches, he'd most certainly be dying from the sheer 2020 weeb vibes the mafia boss was giving. (If you're still reading i commend your efforts this shit is badddd bad). Punch after punch and kick after kick were delivered to Elmo, thrashing him around from the force of Mr. Monopoly's chiselled glutes, until a single voice rang out amidst the chilling silence.

"MR. MONOPOLOUS, STAWP!" Everyone turned around to see none other than Mr. Pringles himself, who was staring at the scene in y/n fear. The caked up mafia boss looked back at him in horror, knowing he most definitely saw him beating the absolute balls out of Elmo.

"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pookie, I can explain-"

"No. I don't wanna hear it. Why the fuck are you beating up my boyfriend?!" Mr. Pringles shouted, pushing past Mr. Monopoly in order to tend to Elmo. Stutter gone, he seemed like a totally different person than the pale pookster from the alleyway shop. Mr. Monopoly found himself blushing because of how shrekxy it was. At least he was blushing until he got slapped hard in the face by Mr. Pringles, who was now right up in his face seemingly ready to strangle him.

"How DARE you! You could've killed him, you bitch! Go call an ambulance, he's still breathing." Tears were freely falling down both of their faces; Mr. Pringles from the grief of potentially losing his boyfriend, Mr. Monopoly from betraying the trust of his pookie, even though they were strangers and there wasn't any to begin with (he's such a little stalker 😜😐). Mr. Monopoly simply nodded, rubbing his sore cheek, dialling 9-1-1 with his free hand. Mr. Pringles went back to help Elmo, who was faintly shouting curses at the caked up mafia boss even as he was being driven away to the hospital.

It was a sombre walk away from the crime scene. After successfully bribing all 6 policemen with a hefty sum of money, he'd trudged back to home base feeling worse than ever. He'd beaten his enemy, but had also screwed up his potential romance with Mr. Pringles while also failing to tell him of Elmo's disloyalty at the same time. It was a shameful loss. His cheek was now red, slowly bruising from Mr. Pringles slap. Who knew he could hit that hard...

He stopped walking at the thought of his pookster and began to shake, tears streaming freely down his face and onto the street until it flooded and the neighbourhood had to evacuate. How could he ever move on from this? His ego was ruined, his (nonexistant) relationship was ruined, his LIFE was ruined, there was nothing left for him. Maybe there never was....

His feet moved without him knowing, and before he knew it he was on a rooftop. Behind him, a solo violinist was playing extremely depressing, dramatic music. The wind moved through his one tuft of dry hair, his hat flying away along with sprinkles of dandruff that looked like snowflakes. His face, with bloodshot orbs and tear stains, held no emotion as he stared out at the beautiful skyline of the city he'd grown to love terrorising.

Mr. Monopoly knew this rooftop all too well, though he hadn't been up here in this context since... since losing him. God, even the thought of his ex-boyfriend made him want to kick a newborn baby. He sniffled, all alpha wolf attitude forgotten as he thought about him, as well as Mr. Pringles. He cried to the horrible realisation that just crossed his mind; he might never get either one of them back. Falling down onto all fours, he opened his mouth to start singing 'fight song', feeling a desperate need to release all his sadness.

"THIS IS MY FIGHT SAAUUURRRNNGGG, GIVE ME MOIY LOIFE SAURRRRNNGGGG-"

He didn't get much further than that before someone from below with surprisingly amazing aim hit him with a potted plant. He glared at the place where he thought it came from, vowing to have this epic tunes hater assasinated after his emo episode was finished. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead and looked down in hopes of performing a cover of 'Dynasty', before gasping and clutching his mafia pearls at what he saw. It was the broken pot...

The pieces were almost coincidentally broken into a shape that looked like Mr. Pringles. It had to be a sign, Mr. Monopoly thought as he caressed the sharp pieces of clay. With Elmo in the hospital, he had a chance to finally rizz up Mr. Pringles, he realised. Maybe this was all meant to happen. Maybe, Mr. Pringles had slapped him because he secretly liked him, and wanted Elmo to THINK he hated Mr. Monopoly! (delusional ass mf)

There had never been a moment in his life where he'd been more sure about something than now. He had to get his pooker wooker back.

Slapping his magnificient ass cheeks, he jumped off the roof, seemingly falling to his death before the last second when his asscheeks started twirling like helicopter blades and lifting him up. He was on his way to the hospital, and to take Mr. Pringles for himself once and for all. 

A/N:(Thanks to my friend sugar chouchou for the 'Im in love with an Elmo Girl' idea, couldn't have done this without her, fly high because she's also dead from mr. monopoly's ass cheeks those things are lethal guys stay safe)