Bada x Howl: Standing Next to You

VII. Before Midnight (Howl & Bada POV)

"You eat well," he observes.

"Ah," Bada laughs, covering her mouth. "Yes, I eat lot. Sorry. I always have an appetite."

"Don't be sorry. I like when I can enjoy a good meal with someone. Otherwise, might as well eat alone." She nods, her mouth full of fried gim. Howl smiles in amusement. She eats like a child.

"You just moved to Seoul, right? Where were you before?" she asks in between chews.

"I grew up in Cheonan, but I just finished military."

"You were there during Covid? That must've been hard."

"Hard at first, because they wouldn't let us go home. But they got better at tracing and quarantine, so it wasn't so bad. I wanted to get it done before I moved out here."

She nods. "My brothers did the same. They wanted it done so they could start their life without interruption."

"How many siblings do you have?"

"Two older brothers; I'm the youngest. My mom planned for two kids, but she really wanted a girl so they had me. But I was a big tomboy when I was young, so a lot of people joked she only got half a daughter."

She grins, but Howl looks pensive. "Did that bother you when people said that?"

"Mmm...it didn't bother me when my family said it since I'm close with them." Bada's brow furrow. "But I did get teased a lot at school since I had a growth spurt really early. I was taller than all the boys in my class and the only girl didn't like dresses."

"You probably felt pressure."

"Sort of. I had mostly guy friends growing up and was aways treated like one of them. That didn't bother me until high school when everyone started dating. And then I felt....," she searches for the words. "I don't know. Invisible? Like they became obsessed with girls but never saw me that way."

"Like they only saw one side of you, even though you have many sides."

"Exactly. Initially I doubled down, like fine I won't do anything girly. But as I got older I found I also liked getting dressed up time to time. I realized it wasn't that I didn't like feminine things but that I didn't want to be put in a small box of who or what I could be."

"Then did your dance style evolve as a result of that realization or was it something that helped you realize it?"

Her brows furrow again in concentration. "I think dancing was where I felt safest to express all parts of myself. And that's when I discovered I really liked dancing in a strong way, but I could still have feminine elements." She looks up, her head cocked. "I don't think anyone has asked me this stuff before."

"Really?" he responds, surprised. To him it is the most natural thing to be deeply curious about someone you wanted to get to know.

*************

She is surprised at how intently he listens and his probing questions. He is one of the very few guys - or people for that matter - who seemed to enjoy listening as much as talking.

She must've been staring, because he suddenly looks up, smirking. "What?"

"Nothing," she murmurs, taking a sip of cider.

He is still smiling, as if he doesn't believe her.

"Fine," she puts her drink down and pulls her leg onto the bench. "I...you're a really good listener."

"You sound surprised?"

"I find most people like to talk about themselves."

"I grew up with sisters. I had to learn to listen," he jokes.

"Are you the oldest?"

He nods. "Could you tell?"

"Yes. You've a strong but calming presence." She points to herself, "Could you tell I'm the youngest?"

He nods shyly, and she shrieks instinctively. "Why, why?"

He puts his hands out in defense. "It's not a bad thing—"

"I come off as spoiled?" She feigns a pout.

"No, not that." He pauses to think. "I think....you come off as free."

She squints, deciding if she should believe him. "That's true. I don't follow rules; I like to make my own way. And since I'm only responsible for myself right now, I do what I want."

Howl sighs. "I want to be more like that. I sometimes have a hard time letting myself do what I want to do."

"You don't seem like that, though. You don't come off as self-critical or strict."

"It's only with some things. With everyday things I do what I want without worry. Or with work, I like to experiment and trust things will work out. But I get worried about people close to me. And I feel guilty when I can't help." Howl clears his throat and takes a drink of his cider. A solemn look crosses his face. Clearly there is something more here. She is wary of prying, in case he wasn't ready to share, but she is also wary of not even acknowledging—

"You want to go on the swings?" he suggests abruptly.

"What? Now?"

"Yeah." He jumps up and moves towards the playground. He turns, walking backwards, beaming. "Trying to be more free, remember?"

She laughs, running her fingers through her hair. She hadn't done something like this in years and feels slightly embarrassed at the thought; still, but it's hard to resist his enthusiasm.

And so their night together ended by rewinding the clock to their child selves. Isn't it funny how sometimes, the biggest feelings start in the smallest of moments?