Capricorn Christmas

Mad Money

Sometime during the void between Christmas and New Year's Day Jared succumbed to his injuries and passed away.  The day after Amy had left I took a chance and looked up the numbers for the hospitals in Regina.  She had a 50/50 chance of calling the right one.  It was ringing on the other end and was picked up quickly.  "Pasqua Hospital.  Do you know extension you are looking for?"  I stuttered, "I was ah looking for visitor information for a friend?" 

After a few preliminary questions the lady on the end seemed sympathetic that she couldn't give me what I wanted.  Jared was there.  No I wasn't a family member.  What was my relation to him? Uhhh.  We stumbled through some awkwardness before she said, "You're not going to be permitted to visit him at this time."  A long silence followed.  "Ok," I said hoping that I didn't sound close to tears. 

It seemed like she could sense my devastation though the phone line and answered, "He is surrounded by family right now.  They've been coming and going all day.  Can I give them a message from you?"  I hadn't been prepared to leave a message.  Panicking I said,  "Tell his parents that his university friends are worried about him and we're rooting for him."  Oh my God that was so corny, but I didn't know what to say to this stranger on the other end. 

I didn't get it out without my voice cracking.  "Did you want to leave me your name so I can tell them?"  She sounded so nice all of a sudden, when she answered she sounded so robotic, at first I didn't know if she was a recording or a real person.  "Um ya, his friend, Jen."  I left it at that.  I thought back to Christmas Eve and my trip home and felt guilty for not mentioning him, but everything had been so new that I didn't want to jinx it.  Jared's parents probably had no idea who I was either, but I hoped that another supportive message from another part of his life would help lift their spirits.  Maybe when he was better and they met me down the road; they'd remember, hey you're the Jen who called.  I hoped.

Amy called with the bad news.  Her and Amanda were both coming back early to be with me and we'd all go to the funeral together.  Thank God for Amy's mom's cousin's kid, otherwise I'd still be in the dark.  It was late afternoon on Jan 1st when Amanda arrived.  She wrapped me in a hug and said she was sorry.  "Jared was such a great guy," her eyes watery.  She liked Jared and she thought he was a great match for me.  "Just as dorky," she would always tease.  Neither of us really knew what to say, but it was good to have someone home.  Amy rolled in early in the evening and we went through the same conversation again. 

The funeral was set for January 4th before everyone was disappearing back to university and trade school for second semester.  Amy had gotten the funeral details through the cousin grapevine.  "I don't have any funeral clothes," I said the morning of the 2nd,  "I really only have athletic wear and going out cloths."  Amanda waved it off, "We'll go to the mall.  It'll be good to get out of the house."  Amy yelled from the kitchen,  "Hey I'll come with you guys. There's still sales on." 

We parked underground at the Midtown Mall.  "Oh my God," Amanda was leaning over the steering wheel scouting for a parking spot, "you'd think people were still Christmas shopping!"  She found a spot way back in the red zone and she grimaced at me, "Sorry Jen," before realizing that my cast was gone.  "Holy shit! I didn't even notice.  Your cast is gone!"  Amy chimed in from the backseat,  "Holy, are you just noticing that now?" 

We didn't really know where to go for funeral clothes so we just went to The Bay.  "I think I'm just looking for like black dress pants?" My voice went up on the last work like I was asking a question.  "Ya I don't think I want to drive in a dress and if we have to stand outside..." Amanda let the idea of standing out on the frozen prairie in the whipping wind make its mark in our minds.  "And," Amy added, "black dress pants will be good for job interviews."  Leave it to Amy to make funeral clothes shopping practical. 

My parents had given me $100 dollars of "mad money" I was supposed to spend on anything I wanted.  I don't think this is what they had in mind, but black pants and a charcoal turtleneck sweater it was.  Amy was right.  I would also probably wear this to a job interview.  It didn't take long before my leg was aching.  It's not easy to come out of a cast and then walk around a mall.  Amy and Amanda were worried that I was upset about Jared, and in truth it was both.  I was in pain both mentally and physically. 

It was the most dismal shopping trip I'd ever had with friends.  We were silent as we got back into the car with our funeral clothes.  Amanda turned on the radio even though we were in underground parking and we happily listened to static until we drove up the ramp into the muted light of the January day.  As we ascended from the parking garage the radio started to pick up a signal.  It was 'Build Me Up Buttercup' but none of us felt like dancing.