13. The Lion and the Eagle

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March 25, 2003

British Embassy

Berlin, Germany

When I awoke, last night's catharsis was long gone.

I had stayed under the blankets in the ice-cold room as the dawning sun slowly filled the room. When a cellular phone rang out in the living room, I heard Germany rush out of his makeshift bed and answer it in a raspy morning voice. I only had to catch the word "Engländer" to guess what the call was about. During the short flight from Munich to Berlin, Germany speculated about the nature of the last-minute visit while I sat silently resigned to the confrontation.

I was led to a back room at the British Embassy—a small library. England stood facing a sunny window with his back to the door. When he turned around, relief and dismay battled on his face at the sight of me.

I crossed the room and walked directly into him, burying my face in his chest. His arms immediately encircled me, and I was home. Then, in a split second, my tears began to flow.

"I never intended to hurt you," he said quietly, his voice like a soothing balm.

I nodded against him.

He fell silent. Probably waiting for a "sorry" that would never come. Waiting for me to stop being so damn immature. So damn selfish. Waiting for me to overcome my blind fear and open my eyes to an even more frightening reality.

But I could only cry.

I felt like a meteor on a collision course, hurtling through the vacuum of space. I felt like an avalanche cascading down a mountainside. I felt like a movie playing in a theater, unable to prevent the terrible ending about to unfold.

"England," I croaked, "will you be sad when I'm g—gone?"

His hand that was rubbing my back froze.

"America..." His voice was stuffy and nasally, like never before. "By God...I will never allow that to happen."

Pushing up on my toes, I wound my arms around his neck and held him close. I held onto him like a lifeline in the middle of the ocean. Minutes passed—maybe five, maybe thirty. A passing thought went to my lips with more urgency than I had ever known.

"I love you."

He didn't laugh. He didn't pull away, and he didn't question me. He held me tighter.

"I love you too."

THE END

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