The thoughts of a chronically ill teen

Always the sick kid - A poem

Always the sick kid

By Malek

My life ended at the age of 7

Getting diagnosed with chronic pain

Not ever learning what complex regional pain syndrome is until the age of 16

When hitting my hand off of a desk in 2nd grade

Led to temporary paralysis of the whole arm

And a trip to emergency by ambulance

And when people see an ambulance at school

They talk

And when they see you are the one in the ambulance

You become the sick kid

Then come high school

Numerous schools put together

Sort of a new start

People who don't know you

But when you spend more time in a hospital than in class

Rumors spread

People stay away from you

Teachers say to put health first

But not mental when they cause you to get behind

And when you finally come back

There's stacks of assignments and exams

Putting you in a place

Where you have to put school before health

Because then you don't

You aren't trying hard enough

When they don't see the behind the scenes

And the hospital visits

And the medications you take just to try and feel normal

But usually ends up making your symptoms worse

But you refuse to show anyone

Because you don't want to be the "sick kid" all over again

Then high school ends

And at the age of 17

You loose the ability to do sports

To stand for over a few minutes

Now life just becomes always checking your heart rate

Being used to seeing the number reaching 180 beats per minute

Because your body feeling like it's running a marathon while you are sitting is normal

Then you turn 18

You loose the ability to eat

One small bite leads to so much more

The nausea

The abdominal pain

The vomiting

Not being able to keep food is liquids down

Being able to feel your body getting weaker and no one else see's

Because your chronic illnesses are rare

The limited treatment options

The limited amount of things are normal

You stop being normal

Because you'll always be just the "sick kid"

I wrote this poem about when I first got sick and how my health went from there. I hope it helps someone feel like they aren't alone. :)