By Chance | Book One |

Chapter Sixty Four

Lyra

Sasha curled my hair and did my makeup for my date with River.

She poured me a glass of wine she took from her parents and got to work.

She was just finishing my lips as her phone buzzed with a text from Teddy.

"Teddy and I are making pizza tonight. Little heart pizzas."

"Save me one."

She grinned, blending my lipstick into the slightly darker liner. "You do want this, don't you?"

"I wouldn't have said yes."

"You're my best friend, so that's why I'm telling you I've never seen him like this. He's been crazy focused at practice lately, at least that's what Teddy claims. Teddy thinks this may be their best season."

"What do you mean exactly?"

"He's happy. For the first time, he isn't letting his past consume him."

Sasha helped me get dressed. She let me borrow a dark blue dress that hugged my body and was held up by two straps.

I looked down at my arms and turned them as the light glistened over my scars. "Do you have a jacket? Or wrap?"

Sasha's eyes fell to my arms. "They aren't noticeable, you know."

I looked at her.

No matter how faded the cuts were, the scars were there. They were a reminder. And it looked far worse from my eyes.

Our brains always alter our perceptions, making them seem far worse. I've never been big on wearing anything without sleeves. Even before my attempt.

T-shirts we're never safe. They were short and clung to your body, and sweaters always provided safety for me. The comfort of too big clothes, and always being able to cover us was something I was far too used to. Far too okay with.

"I have a jacket that's perfect for the dress. It's white and fluffy. You need white gold jewellery too."

I ended up taking the jacket from Sasha but keeping it close by.

Maybe tonight I will step out of my comfort zone.

River had pushed me past my comfort zone, and it worked. I never thought twice about wearing his shirts around his house. Having short sleeves there.

At my house, that was a whole other story. Lilian was repulsed if she ever caught a glimpse. It was more of a painful reminder of what she had lost all because of me.

"Have you given things more thought?"

She was talking about me moving in with her. Her parents had brought the idea up to her many times, and had brought it up to me.
It was difficult to hide my rocky relationship with Lilian when my friend's parents reached out to her to give her information on the Christmas trip or when we went away the other weekend. She could care less, and they were well aware of it when she hardly answered calls or texts regarding me.

I tried to make up excuses for her, she was a nurse: she was fucking busy. She had a husband, a home. A life. All of that before I ruined it.

I nodded. "I have. I'm just figuring things out."

"You don't have to figure things out alone." She squeezed my hand.

The problem with that statement was that it was false. I indeed had to figure things out on my own.

Sasha wasn't even aware of half my problems. She didn't know how fucked and actually broken I was. I was so good at hiding it all, so well it fooled everyone into thinking I was some sort of nice, good person.