Debouchee | KTH

1.

Chapter 01

Fear and abhorrence, these words are the only thing I feel in my life. I wish I could get away from this life, I don't have the courage to bear it now. My bad. But still till today I did everything without protesting and without my will.

My soul trembles at the thought of giving up my life, so how can I do it? Don't know how long this has been going on and when it will end, it is impossible to make some guesses.

The wounds on my body do not hurt as much as the wounds on my honour. Body will heal with time, but it seems impossible for the internal wounds to heal now.

Frightened anger has settled in my eyes every moment, I can't even run away leaving everything behind, there will be no benefit in running away.

Scratching the glass on the counter with my fingers, i am lost somewhere in my sad world.

How can someone be so cruel? Sometimes I believe that humanity is really on the verge of extinction.

I have grown up from a child now, but that dark scary figure has become my shadow, a shadow of fear that will not go away, I am convinced.

Have I become used to it or don't I even want to try to move away from it? Am I really addicted? No, this cannot happen, I find it impossible, how can I myself promote this indecency.

God gives hell to bad people, right? This is all nonsense. A helpless person is facing hell, that too on earth, I am facing it with my eyes alive.

My fists tightened on my short school skirt when I felt someone walk past me. I have endured so much in life that now even the slightest gust of wind feels like molesting me.

My courage has been so broken that it no longer exists in me. The tears have now dried up, their trace has vanished from my eyes. I hoped for a better life, but today I am of no use.

To be honest, I wish that my school never had a break and I never went home. I hate my house, I hate the people who live in it, I hate this cruel world now.

People who live in palaces lead very happy and glamorous lives, it is all a fraud, of which I am a living example. If living in palaces and wearing expensive branded clothes were just a part of a good lifestyle and gave happiness, I would be happy today.

All my friends are luckier than me, although they do not come to school in a long luxurious car like me.

My body, which is covered with expensive clothes, has millions of wounds on it, can't believe it, But this is a disgusting truth.

"Ma'am?" A sharp sound echoed in my ears, bringing me to my senses, I realized where I was.

"What happened? Since when have you been standing still? Tell me what do you want?"

I took slow breaths and exhaled, it seems as if all the cells in my blood are dead.

My bowed gaze, which was still wandering on the ground, rose up and fell straight into his eyes, I was feeling extremely shy and didn't know how to say something, Keeping staring at his face for a few moments i was unsure as to how should I ask for what I have come for?

He gave me a questioning look as a gesture he then asked by shaking his hands, I understand his gestures very well.

He probably thinks that I am deaf and unable to hear because his way of asking has now transformed into sign language.

Searching all around the store with my black eyes turning everywhere trying to point at that thing and tell him what I want without saying it in words.

I was tired but I couldn't see that thing so I gathered the courage to ask him directly.

"condom?" I sighed. There is a lot of turmoil in my mind after saying this. I feel very shy saying this to a boy, but what should I do, my circumstances are like this.

After so long he came to know that I was not deaf and dumb and could hear and speak.

"Are condoms available here?" I'm sure I entered the right store, on the way in i saw a banner advertising condoms on the wall of this store, but I couldn't find it here. Storeman must have kept it inside somewhere.

I skipped my school classes and came to buy condoms because after school my car always comes on time so I don't get a chance to buy nor does the driver stop the car on my request.

I am only allowed to go to school, apart from that I don't go anywhere without him, he is always with me.

He gets angry when he hears about condoms, nor does he want to use them. When I request, he makes an excuse that he forgot to buy condoms, so I am buying them myself now.

After this, all his excuses will end and I will also get some relief.He doesn't feel pity on me. Due to his mistake I have had abortions pills two times.

Having endured heavy bleeding, that too for at least a month, my body is becoming increasingly weak. Whenever I saw small lumps of flesh sticking to me I felt so scared and disgusted.

"How old are you?" He stared at me from top to bottom with sharp eyes. I nervously pulled up my tie, adjusting it around my neck, not wanting him to realized I was scared.

I twisted my tie, Hiding the school name stitched on the tie so that he cannot see which school I am from.

I also had the school's monogram on my pocket I had already hidden it completely with my long hair and bag but forgot to hide the tie, now if I remove the tie in front of him, he will get suspicious.

"Tell me." His suspicious voice started to irritate me.

"Eig—sorry! no! Nineteen." My voice faltered but I recovered it in a moment.

"You don't look that old." Another question of his was making me sad.

"My parents did not give me proper protein in my childhood, that is why I look very little. I have malnutrition." I replied hiding my eyes from his, not daring to come in contact with his eyes.

For the first time I came to know that even to get a condom one has to show the birth certificate. Why is he investigating me so much?

He went to the corner of the store showing a very hateful face, making me feel as if I was some bad girl and he didn't care, he was disgusted just by looking at me. I realized.

My eyes were watching him intently while he was searching for something in the corner.

It was unbearable for me to stand here even for a moment, I tried to take out the money by opening the zip of my bag, now I was feeling quite awkward after his rude behavior.

As I expected, the whole world is bad, I don't think anything wrong in it. People give their reaction just by looking at the other person without knowing the real truth.

He placed a box in front of me on the glass counter, I picked it up and looked. Now I will have to talk to him again, which I don't want to do.

"Sorry but I don't want this." Taking a look around the box from all sides I told, Yes, I'm sure he won't be able to use it, it won't fit him.

"Any other flavor? Tell me what type you want." His eyebrows raised, his gaze started scaning me again.

Storekeeper always give average size, but he needs a bigger one. "I want extra large."

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