Forbidden Love || Tom Kaulitz

I love you.

I felt the car collide and my head smash against the side of the car and everything went black.

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A week later

Ashley's POV

I sat at the end of Tom's hospital bed in tears. My puffy eyes were glued to his body as he laid still, lightly breathing. This was the first time I had been allowed to see him. I turned to Bill who sat silently, his face emotionless. I leaned back in my chair as I sniffled. Bill and I had barely spoken since I woke up. My injuries were nowhere near as bad as Tom's.

When the cars collided, Tom fully lost control. The car had flipped and smashed into a building nearby. The nurses and doctors are all shocked we didn't die at the scene, but I guess we were just lucky. I adjusted the sling on my arm that was slowly slipping down. I had gotten away with only a broken collar bone, a concussion, and many cuts and brusies.

Once I was awake the doctor came to break the news. He quietly entered my room and I knew that what he was going to say would break me. I remember sitting in the hospital bed on the verge of tears terrified of what he might say. He looked up to me with a sorrowful face. I closed my eyes and prepared myself to hear the words 'Tom is dead', but I was wrong. 'I'm very sorry Miss Vatore, but due to the immense trauma from the crash, you unfortunately miscarried... I'm so sorry for your loss.' Those words replayed in my mind countlessly. I had no idea. Yes, we weren't cautious, but I was still shocked. I had no idea how to feel. A part of me was heartbroken, but it would've been wrong to raise a baby in these conditions. I don't want my baby to be brought up around murder and illegal activity. I also wasn't ready for a baby, and I know that Tom isn't either. I let out a few tears at the thought of my dead baby before coming to acceptance. There was nothing I could do about it anymore.

It wasn't until hours later that I found out Tom wasn't okay. I was told he was found unresponsive while in the ambulance and is now in critical condition. When he was brought to the hospital the doctors did a lot of work. His body tried to fight, but he had fallen into a coma, and they don't know when or if he will wake up.

I felt like it was all my fault. If it weren't for me yelling and screaming none of this would've happened. I could tell Bill was upset with me and thought it was my fault. Tears started to fall down my cheeks rapidly as the crash rapidly flowed through my head.

Flashback

"Sir" a man said.

I opened my eyes and looked around. Panic immediately set in as I realised what had happened. I tried to move but I was stuck and in too much pain. I tried to keep my eyes open, I held my head. I pulled my hand down to see my hand covered in blood. I started to feel wheezy.

"Tom" I said soft, in confusion. I looked to Tom.

"Tom?" I cried.

I looked back down at my hand. I felt my body loose conscience once again.

End of flashback

I rubbed my eyes and tried block it out. I didn't remember much, but the things I did remember were horrible. I lifted my legs up and sat with my head in my lap. I couldn't deal with the guilt.

"Ashley" I heard spoken in a soft German accent. I shot my head up hoping it was Tom.

"I'm going to go get something to eat. Do you want anything?" Bill continued as he walked past me, brushing my arm. I winced at the pain.

"I'm okay" I smiled. I hadn't had an appetite since the crash.

"Keep an eye on him" Bill spoke. I nodded with a small smile.

I watched as Bill lightly closed the door and I looked back to Tom. I stood up and sat in Bills seat and grabbed his hand. I started to sob.

"I'm so sorry Tom" I cried. "I don't know what to do anymore" I continued. I sniffled and rubbed my eyes. "I can't deal with all of this" I continued to cry.

Being all alone gave me time to think. Of course, I didn't want to leave, but I know it's what is best for me, even if it hurts. I love him, but if he can't change for me, what's the point in sticking around. I will always love him, but I will always be second best. He loved money and he loved power and there was nothing I could do to be better than that. Tom would never have enough love left over for me. He would never change.

I sat silent just holding onto his hand, I really couldn't do this anymore. It was better for me to leave.

Toms POV

I laid paralysed, but still fully aware of my surroundings. I could hear Ashley's cries. I wanted to hold her. I wanted her to know I didn't blame her. I wanted her to know I how I truly feel. I tried to move but I was still paralysed.

"Tom, I think I have to leave" Ashley said softly as her voice broke, oblivious that I could hear her.

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. She couldn't leave. I loved her. I haven't told her how much she means to me.

"I- I don't know wh- what to do" she sobbed. "I know you can't hear me, but the doctor told me something" she continued. I tried my hardest to move, just an inch, but still nothing.

"I was pregnant and I lost our baby... in the crash... I had no idea until the baby was gone" she cried.

She lost out baby. She was pregnant. I felt her tears fall onto my arm as she fell silent. I was trying to take everything in. I heard the door open, hoping it was Bill. I needed someone to comfort her if I couldn't. Ashley squeezed my hand tightly before letting go. She stood up and I felt her presence hover over me. I felt as she left a soft kiss on my cheek, softly rubbing it with her thumb.

"I love you" she softly spoke as her voice broke.

I laid helpless knowing those will be the last words I'll ever hear from her. I listened as her footsteps became further. I prayed for Bill to stop her. I heard the door open. I heard cries become harder. I tried to move I tried everything. I heard the door shut lightly. She was really gone.

Ashley's POV

I shut the door to Tom's room as I sobbed. I walked down the hallway with my head down and made my way to the front desk.

"Hi, am I allowed to go home?" I stuttered as I wiped my tears. The nurse knew my name from how many times I had been admitted.

"Yes, if you just take a seat over there, ill check with the doctor." she smiled as she pointed to the chairs nearby.

I sat with my head down as I cried. My eyes wondered the hospital before I noticed Gustav, Lauren, Georg, and Anna walking through the hospital doors. I put my head back down and hoped they wouldn't notice me.

"Ashley" Lauren said softly.

I looked up as she held her arms out, I stood up and fell into her arms. We pulled away and she gave me a comforting smile, the others standing by. I quickly gave them a hug knowing it would be the last time seeing them. I went to sit back down before Lauren grabbed my hand and tried dragging me to Tom's room.

"I'm going to stay out here, could you just get Bill for me please" I smiled.

"Of course" she spoke as they walked into the room.

I stood awkwardly outside before Bill made his way over to me. He made a stop in front of me with a confused look on his face. Before he could say anything, I stepped forward and embraced him in a hug. I held him tightly crying into his shoulder.

"Goodbye" I whispered in his ear as I pulled away.

"What do you mean goodbye?" Bill spoke slightly shaking his head.

I gave him a light smile before turning away and beginning to walk over to the nurse I had spoken to a moment ago. I started to hear Bills lightly cry. I looked over my shoulder before turning back around and breaking down once again. I made a stop at the front desk and spoke to the nurse.

"Everything's all clear, you can leave... Take it easy okay" she smiled.

I nodded lightly and turned around and walked through the large doors, forcing myself to not look back. All I wanted to do was run back in there, but I knew that this was for the best. I let the freezing air cool down my warm body as I wondered down the street. I knew there was someone I could stay with I just had to find him.