Blue Betta

7. Mimosas

In a deep slumber Jinsoul groans when she's shaken from it. Clingy onto the warm body trying to escape she murmurs out a plea but it's muffled by skin. The body freezes for one moment and continues to attempt escape. Jinsoul doesn't want the warmth to go away so she wraps her legs around a tiny waist and smiles when she hears the deep sigh. Accepting defeat and the chance of being late for her first dance class of the day Sooyoung wraps her arms back around Jinsoul. The blonde feels too good with her face buried in Sooyoung's neck. The woman is rubbing circles in her lower back making her body tingle.

Sooyoung has been awake for almost an hour now. When she woke up with Jinsoul's limb entangled with her she freaked out for a moment. As she laid there with the blonde in her arms she soon becomes comfortable with Jinsoul's weight on top of her. The body made her feel grounded and safe. She held onto her tightly letting herself drown in the fluttering feelings. Sooyoung would have never thought that she would love waking up with someone in her arms, but here she was smiling like an idiot snuggling to a snoring blonde.

She spent the hour thinking solely about Jinsoul. Her attachment to her was getting stronger, the fear and insecurities were also getting stronger. These feelings she had were not in her control. It was new territory for her since she had always been in control of her life. Rules had been placed and she followed them closely never letting herself get ahead of herself keeping her distance when she got overwhelmed. With Jinsoul she couldn't help herself, she made her happy and she wanted to chase that no matter how helpless she felt.

And that was the problem. If Jinsoul wanted to she could ruin Sooyoung. The possibility of rejection was something Sooyoung never had to worry about. She couldn't even bring herself to think about going back to the life she had before Jinsoul. Heartbreak was a feeling Sooyoung never wanted to experience. She decided she wanted to keep control of her inevitable fall. Their relationship was fine the way it was right now if it went any further Sooyoung would end up giving everything to Jinsoul and she wasn't quite ready for a commitment like that.

If it was kept this way the possibility of her hurting Jinsoul or vice versa would be less likely than if they were to start saying ' I love you' and took it further . Even though Sooyoung felt the words were inadequate to describe the feelings she had for her she knew they were strong enough to be dangerous. Thoughts of forever were too liquid. Sooyoung needed something solid and this point they were at was enough for her. She dreaded the day Jinsoul wanted more, afraid of the same outcome of her last relationship.

Sooyoung wasn't effected by the break up then but now? She doesn't think she could ever truly recover from it. If Jinsoul wanted more than this could she bring herself to give in or would it end with her heart broken. The day that Jinsoul says the three stupid words was the day Sooyoung loses the last strand of control over her heart. What if her love wasn't what Jinsoul wanted after all? Or if it wasn't good enough? What if she realized she could find better? There was too many what ifs that Sooyoung couldn't answer. She wanted to keep the relationship at a standstill not wanting to steer into the dangers of the unknown.

She doesn't want to see the day come where one of them actually takes it a step further.

Signing out her negative thoughts she softly whispers to the blonde who is already going back to sleep, "I have to go get ready Jinsoul." Jinsoul wishes Sooyoung would just shut up and go back to sleep. Her body is too soft like a pillow. She wants to stay here all day if the woman would let her. When Sooyoung pinches her that's when she knows her wish isn't going to come true. Rolling over to let Sooyoung wiggle out from underneath she whines when her personal heater finally gets up.

Missing the warmth she soon follows but as soon as she stands she has to immediately sit back down and when she does that she squeaks at the soreness in her lower half. Grumbling at a now laughing Sooyoung she flips the annoying woman the finger. Sooyoung only wipes her tears from her scrunched up eyes, "already did that boo that's why you can't walk." She leans down to catch her breath from laughing but her back pops loudly at the action making her twitch in pain and humiliation. Jinsoul has to hold her stomach from the embarrassed look on the woman's face, "want to talk shit again?"