Lost Then Found

In Your Darkest Hour

To have, and then not to have. Hardly could there be a worse thing. Especially when what is lost, is something one desired for their entire life.

Anastasia Hoshin, a former royal candidate and undisputed merchant queen knew that too well. Until two months ago she had everything aforementioned, but that is not what mattered to her. The only thing that mattered to her, the only loss that truly brought her pain, was that of her family.

Julius, Ricardo, the triplets, she loved them and still loves them all. They were the closest people to her, the ones that meant everything to her. But now, thanks to Gluttony, that is no longer the case. Her feelings meant nothing anymore, for they knew not who she was, they knew not what she meant to them. And that is what hurt Anastasia the most.

Her family was made up of loving people, even now if she would approach them, they would accept her as a member of their group. Part of her wanted to do so, to be with them once again, to make new memories with them once again. But, a larger part accepted the bitter truth. As sad and depressing as it was, the truth was that her family no longer exist. The people that made it up existed, and the personalities that made it the warm place that it is, still existed, but Anastasia no longer exists.

Even if she would follow a more hopeful part of herself, she would still be nonexistent. She would interact with them, perhaps they would become close friends, but a family they could never again become. For the memories they shared and the events that bonded and forged them, no longer existed. Or they did exist, but she is no longer a part of them, violently ripped out by Gluttony.

Just like in her oldest memories she was alone. Weak girl walking the streets with no purpose or possession, baring the clothes on her back. She had all, and now she has nothing. Through her cunning, she made herself one of the world's wealthiest people. Through her kindness and care, she made herself a family, something she always desired, something she always wanted.

When she was a young girl on the streets of Kararagi she often found herself thinking of her parents. Her mind was filled with questions. Who were they? What were they like? Why did they abandon her, and if they didn't, what happened to them?

She knew not the answers to these questions, and in all likelihood, she never will. But, that didn't stop her from asking them and imagining what the answers were, dreaming of one day knowing the truth.

To one of the questions, she could swear that she knows the answer, but for some reason, she could never fully recall it. Whenever she would try to remember what they looked like, she could almost remember. She could see their silhouette, she could see some details, like her mother's long hair. But, their faces were like in a fog, she knew they existed, she knew what they looked like, but for some reason, the image, like ripped off, simply couldn't manifest.

And now after more than a decade, after all that she had done, all her Victories, all her failures, she once again finds herself there. All alone, filled with questions, but only with memories to serve as a form of an answer.

She is a smart woman, she knows what to do, and how to do it. If she would try in a few years she could once again be a successful merchant. If she tried real hard, she might be able to find a new family. But, why do it?

What is the point of all that effort if it can be taken away so fast and viciously? Why struggle when you know that it will be for naught? Why try when you know that ultimately you will fail?

Gluttony stole her name, stole everything she made. And if she would try again he would steal once more.

So she resided herself to walk the streets of Pristella. No purpose, no meaning, no goals, just existing. If she would to suffer at the hands of Gluttony once more, she wouldn't lose anything of importance. For her life will have no meaning reliant on others, because it will have no meaning whatsoever. And if Gluttony would to take her life this time, then so be it, it held no value after all.