Ones Ignored

Chapter 23 | "Your man is hot"

I spend the rest of the rest rotting in bed because I am too exhausted from the day to actually do anything. I spend my time watching Netflix and only in the evening do I get up and do things. Things such as self care, but that counts as productive. Self care such as shower properly for the first time in a few days.

I get to school the next day with a fresh mind and I don't think about Jameson until lunch time. That's not true— I thought about him briefly but not to the extent of missing him. I don't think about him until lunch time because I'm not sure where I should sit. I should sit with Jameson and Maeve but what if the group started to miss me? I didn't want them to jump to conclusions.

I look over at Jameson's and Maeve's table and decide to go over to them. Once I am standing by Jameson, his back to me I say,"Hey, should I sit here?" Jameson glances up at me and then looks back down at his lunch plate. He is treating me like a person who has done something wrong to him. Only, I don't think I did.

"I don't care", Jameson answers and I'm glad that Maeve had turned around to talk to Jacob who was standing in the never ending lunch line. My cheeks flame in embarassment as I stand there for a second. Turn around and say you want me here, I'm screaming in my head but Jameson doesn't glance at me once. So, I take my lunch tray and my embarassed face toward the lunch table of my 'friends'.

"Look who joins us!", it is Stella who says this as I slide in to a spot by Tina. I look around the table to find everyone's eyes on me. I look down on the table to hide my embarrassment. Today was not a good day to be wearing a lot of blush.

"What? He got tired of you already?", a voice says from in front of me and I look up at him, my mouth agape. Did Jameson get tired of me? Did I become too much for him? When I whispered to him late at night about holding me, did I start to get too clingy? Was I not a girl that he wanted? He probably wanted someone who didn't cry every day because she had truama that she couldn't even make sense of.

Kennedy places a hand on my arm and I look at her. She was sitting right beside me and she was smiling at me. She has always been pretty but for some reason, I'm noticing her today. She looked radiant but there was also something off about her. She smiles larger and all of my thoughts disappear. "Don't be rude. He is probably busy."

"Yeah busy staring at his lunch like a pedo", Stella offers in front of me, her hand on Blake's arm. I look ahead at her and feel my heartbeat pick up. Did they find Jameson? I follow her line of sight to find that yes, I was right. But also she was right. Jameson was staring at his lunch—not like a pedophile, I'm not sure how you would come about doing such a thing.  He is staring intently at it and I look forward to find Maeve and Jacob sharing a laugh.

I hear a low whistle and it comes from Tina. "We were mistaken the other week—

When they had called him names after he went to get my backpack for me.

"Your man is hot", Tina says.

Kennedy laughs, the sound loud and playful,"I know! Look at all that hair." Tina and her high five and I smile involuntarily. Jameson was hot and I'm not sure how I hadn't seen it any other year. Being honest, I haven't noticed him until this year. I had noticed his looks the first day we sat together in Life Skills.

"But wait", Stella says, bringing the three pairs of eyes off of the guy that had only slept beside me the other night. She puts a hand in the air— announcing that she has a thought— and says,"So why aren't you sitting with lover boy?"

My cheeks heat up at the question. I knew that the group would ask questions but I didn't think they would ask these types of questions. I kind of thought they would ask questions about why I ditched them and maybe then I'll have to tell them about Jameson. I look at Kennedy and then Tina before settling on,"I missed you guys."