Ones Ignored

Chapter 37 | "Don't use the term dad."

I find that Jameson cannot stop looking at me. After the both of us finish hugging and well, kissing, I'm getting ready to leave his hotel room. I can feel his eyes on the back of my head as I flip my hair upside down in order to get it to look voluminous again. I brush through my hair next, looking into the mirror as I do so. I find Jameson's eyes in the mirror and it wasn't like Jameson was looking at me with lust.

He was simply looking at me because he knew what he had now. He knew that I was raped, ones that have been orchestrated by his father. He knew that and it was tearing him apart. Jameson and I were on the same page. I was hurt, he was hurt, the both of us were merely trying to keep each other sane.

It worked for now. There were no tears on my face now, Jameson had wiped the all away. I had wiped his away, but after the both of us depart from each other, the water works will start again. For me at least, Jameson will go back to being the same broody guy he was. Only this time he would be feeling broody inside.

I hated it, but it was out reality.

I let him stare at me, I let him try to figure me out. I let him do whatever he wanted because having his eyes on me wasn't all bad. Once I am done fixing myself up, I walk over to him. "Hi, sweetheart", I say to him when I am looking down at him. Jameson was sitting down on the edge of his bed. I put my hand on his face and then start to wipe at his undereyes.

"You need to get some sleep tonight, James", I whisper to him. He shakes his head, licking his bottom lip. "It's hard for me to fall asleep, I end up just rolling in bed."

"Call me", I offer to him. "Call me and we can go to sleep with each other."

And maybe tonight I wouldn't have a nightmare. Maybe tonight I would dream of you. Dream of you holding me tight, whispering to me that I was strong. Dream of a better alternative.

"Okay", he says. I nod and look around at the place he called his "home". I knew he was joking but the fact that this was better to him than the one at his real house was so sad to me. I guess he couldn't bare to see his mother right now. "Jameson, are you avoiding your little sister?"

I think of the girl with the sad smile in the lunchroom. I think of the way she saw her brother leaving the cafeteria— a frown on her face. She was hurting.

"She keeps mentioning him", Jameson says using the word him instead of dad. I guess he was over using such a term for an awful human being. I didn't even know how one person could turn out like this. "Everytime I go to talk to her, she mentions how he was sitting in jail and how nobody was saving her precious father."

"You should talk to her", I say and he starts to shake his head. "Tell her about him. And um."

I stop, not knowing how he was going to react to this. I didn't know how me spilling the fact that I had told his sister about his back would make him feel. But we couldn't continue to keep secrets from each other; we had to he honest. So, I would have to tell him.

"I might have told your sister about your dad hitting you", I say softly and Jameson flinches. He places a hand on my arm and says,"Don't say that."

"Sorry, what?", I ask him confused. Was he in disbelief at my intruding? He places a hand in his hair and says,"Don't use the term dad."

"Oh okay", I say and then swallow, looking into his eyes. "I didn't mean to  tell her but she kept mentioning how 'great' he was and I had to stop her."

"What did you say?"

"I only told her that your— no he— hits you and that your mom knows as well."