Sweet Kisses - Satosugu

Relieved.

Pov: Suguru

I sit in silence with Satoru in front of me. He came into my room shortly after I tucked him in. Could he have been awake? No, that's not possible. I would have sensed it. After all, Satoru is very bad at pretending.

"Suguru, why don't we talk like we used to..." he says, finally breaking the silence.

"Satoru, what do you mean?" I respond.

I don't understand what he means by this, but I'm curious to see where he's going with it.

"We used to talk about everything back in high school. Our crushes, our problems, the new video game that came out, and so on... I can't help but miss that." Satoru tells me.

I hate not being able to see his face in the dark. I know he is close to me, I felt him after all, but I want to see the way his eyes react when I speak. The way his lips move when he talks. And the way his eyebrows portray his feelings.

"I don't recall ever discussing my crush with you," I say, slightly laughing at myself.

"Well you were there when I talked about mine..." he tells me, I can hear the nervousness in his voice. What is he trying to tell me?

"Say, you've never told me about your love interests since we met. You've had no girlfriends at all either. What about a crush? No matter how hard I pressed you to tell me. You never did. But, what about now?" he asks.

"Satoru, have you been drinking? I know you. You're a lightweight. You're drunk aren't you." I say I'm only half sarcastic.

Something about him seems off. I don't know what it is. But I've seen him drunk before. I know he isn't drunk. He acts very foolish when he's had one sip of liquor. This is something else. It's almost like I'm talking to a different version of Satoru. It's been this way for a couple of days. I need to know why. Why is he bringing this up? He knows I don't like talking about it.

I decide to end the conversation before I say anything I will regret.

"Satoru, I think you should get some sleep."

"Suguru I promise I'm not drunk! If I was I wouldn't be able to complete my sentences, you know that..." he whines.

"Either way, I've had enough of this, it's time to sleep now," I respond.

I'm not angry at him. I'm just a bit annoyed. Sometimes living with your best friend makes you feel that way. But I'm more upset at myself. I wish I could talk to Satoru about my personal feelings, but I just don't know what he would think. I feel cowardly. For almost no reason. Should I apologize for dismissing him so quickly when I haven't seen him all day? Now I feel like shit. I could have just lied to him.

"Suguru...sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he tells me.

I feel bad. It wasn't even an offensive question. If anything, Satoru was trying to show he cares by trying to spend quality time together.

"No, I'm sorry. I'll answer your question if you're still interested." I say.

What am I doing? I can't answer his question it's too risky. But for some reason, I feel like I should.

"I never got a girlfriend ''cause...they just aren't my type." I shared.

I brace myself for questions. I brace myself for the worst.

"So...what is your type?" Satoru whispered.

Now I've done it. He didn't get it the first time. I don't want to tell him straight up, but I suppose I have no other choice.

"I am...not...attracted to women," I muttered hesitantly.

I hate not being able to see his face in the dark. I need to know how he reacted. Or maybe it's better that I don't.

I don't hear him for a while. Either he's disgusted with me, shocked, or thinking of something mean to say to me. I don't see there being a good outcome to this. What if he doesn't want to share a dorm, let alone be friends with me because of this?  I shouldn't have shared this.

I hear a small chuckle come from him.

"I had a feeling that was the case," he tells me.

He...knew? Or at least he sort of knew.

"Does this bother you?" I ask.

"Not at all. In fact, I'm kinda relieved," he replies.

He gets up and walks towards the door.

"I enjoyed talking with you, good night Suguru."

His figure becomes more apparent as he walks towards the light coming from the hall. I see him wave and then walk away.

I'm left there confused. He's...relieved? What is that supposed to mean? Am I interpreting it wrong? Does that mean he's glad he was right about me being into guys? I may be wrong but if I'm not, then id be pretty damned happy.