Diary Of Awkward Black Trans Guy

confession 8

Not to sound delulu, I think the reason why my fav content creator privated their following is that i stalked his friend. She blocked me first, and I blocked her cuz I was mad. I do care if I am blocked by her, but honestly, I hope she doesn't remember me if I see her accidentally. I would shoot myself than see her cuz I can't imagine how she feels.

Why am I saying this? Addison's stalker came to the public discord server.The context is that he missed his older content. He used to be more personal and now became corporate. One of the fans reminded him that the reason you told me was why he created boundaries. Another fan said that parasocial relationships aren't healthy. I think it can be as long as you are aware of that.

He could be a legitimate asshole, racist etc. Like that nigga lived in Utah and is as pale as white paint. Idk. Maybe it's my family past trauma stories of white people and seeing horrible shit online. He comes off as odd and not in a good way. It could be the parasocial effects and self- projection. Prude?? Snobby???? Idk.

I don't think he knows, but he seems to be vigilant. My theory is that he is somewhat aware. My first evidence is the stalker's personal instagram being blocked. He said this on his Twitter page. The reddit, it was permanently banned.

The reddit had written rape fanasties about him, called him a fake, alien, cokehead, barely legal, and makes so much hate comments(if you check their spam.. The username, probably him). And made so many suicidal threats on your Twitter.

Nigga has a whole gf, soon to be wife, why are obsessing over someone who put a curated image. Why did you write a fanfiction of him from HS homecoming. You love his ex-boyfriend because "she" was easily manipulated just like your gf and born into a cult or Mormon church.

How you believe romance is dead? The romance is an emotionally abusive bf. How do you wish that you unalive live with a 16-20 year boy in your head? I tried to talk to you. All I get is suicidal messages. I blocked him, but I like to watch him. So unblocked

It's like I'm watching a car crash. I did warned addison before, but there's no use. The only good thing is disguised myself as a member of the discord. So much fake Photoshop, ai generated voices and videos. It was getting to a point where people were weirded out. Some girl wanted to rizz Addy up and potentially leaked his info.

I took screenshots, comments of the stalker wanted to kill him, everything. It was gone. There was a backup, but it could be there. No clue, I wanted to shut them all down

I realize people are forever gonna make porn subs. Hey, nothing is wrong to find the hots for someone but knowing he doesn't feel comfy. As long as you don't tag him or change their name/face claim.

I know ppl gonna hate me for RPF, but I don't give a fuck. Anyway, i feel guilty for interacting with him. I love to see addie's old videos. I'm never gonna release them, tho. Even tho I'm actively outing myself in this confession. I feel like a bad person for being a part of the problem.

Gonna go around the circles a bit, I just feel I can't do anything. I just want that guy in the weirdest parasocial way to be okay. I try to contact him about it, but you know he ignores fans unless it's an instagram story. No DMs, comments, etc. Also, his stalker is gonna move to Utah, and he wanted to dox his name because he is not the person who he thinks they are. The stalker told me his name cuz I thought he was bluffing. He wasn't, unfortunately.

I may be the creepiest fan out with an unhealthy parasocial obsession at my big age. I just this poor stranger to watch or else he becomes the first victim. I hope he gets better, too.

( i feel genuine shame for having a crush on him, and i fear i may see him as a girl)

Bye, sorry for my long ass ranting.