♡ Bungo Stray Dogs oneshots ♡

♡ Ed Sheeran - Soukoku Crackfic ♡

Genre: crack.

Ship: Dazai x Ed Sheeran x Chuuya x Granny Dazai

A/N: Why did I write this

"Im so sorry Dazai, but I've been keeping a secret from you..." Chuuya sat down and patted the bed next to him. Dazai's eyes widened as he noticed the nervous glisten in his partner's eyes, and he obliged. Hesitantly, he placed himself down next to the smaller man, being careful not to brush up against him too much.

"W-what is it? Why do you look so..." He paused, his brown orbs widening. "Oh my god, are you breaking up with me?!" His mind screamed at him. Could all of his worries and little insecurities be true after all?

"No, no!" He shakily smiled and patted Dazai on the shoulder, making him blush (due to her insatiable need for physical touch). "It's... it's not that. I love you and everything, I just haven't been quite honest..."

Gulping and breathing in deep, Dazai watched the bulge of his throat move up and down as he looked away from him, unable to make eye contact.

"Well, whatever it is can't be that bad, right...?" Dazai's voice trailed off as his mind wandered, imagining what the Chibi's secret could be.

"I- I!" He exclaimed, grabbing hold of the detective's hands and taking him by surprise. "I can't really tell you but... I can show you, if you'd like?"

He nodded in shock, taken aback at this sudden action. Chuuya really wasn't acting like himself... Although something in the way he spoke reminded Dazai of a voice he'd heard before.

Inhaling sharply, Chuuya stood up from the bed. When Dazai went to follow him, he pushed him back down.

"No, you should sit. Your legs might get a bit... weak after I show you this." He smiled at the ground, his nerves apparent. Dazai blushed, unsure what to expect from him. With a sigh, Chuuya reached for the zip of his hoodie and began to slide it off his shoulders.

"C-Chuuya! What are you-" Dazai's hushed cry was interrupted by Chuuya's warm hand over his mouth.

"Shhh..." He cooed deviously, continuing to undress. "Just wait, you'll see what all this is for in a moment."

He simply nodded obediently and waited for him to finish discarding his jumper until he was only in a shirt and shorts. Dazai's eyes widened as his gaze brushed over his small, toned body.

"Chuuya, I..." He whispered. This time the petit mafioso didn't need to shush him, nervousness making his voice trail off on its own. He looked up at him and blinked, waiting to see what he would do next. His bandaged body jumped with electric excitement; Chuuya had never been this bold before.

With a smirk, he put a hand on Dazai's cheek, and gazed into his deep brown eyes. A red flush spread across his cheeks.... But it was quickly replaced by a look of confusion as Chuuya reached for his forehead.

"Hey, what are you- WHAT?!" His soft murmur became an exclamation of horror as he pushed back a thick lock of orange hair to reveal something dangling from his forehead... Could it be... No, it simply couldn't be!

Without warning, he yanked down hard onto the zipper and pulled.

"AAAAGHH!!!" Dazai screeched, backing away into the corner of the bed. As his beloved Chuuya pulled the zipper... His skin began to fall away. Folds of flesh peeled away from his head to reveal a face he was all too familiar with.

"ED?!" He screamed, kicking at the covers in terror. "ED WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! I GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER!!"

Ed Sheeran didn't reply, he simply grinned maliciously at the cowering man. As Chuuya's skin gathered at his feet, he stepped out of it, kicking it to the side. In a robotic, croaking voice, he began to murmur...

"G¹rl y⁰u k№w I waⁿt y⁰ur |⁰v€..."

...

"Y⁰ur l⁰v€ wªs hªndmªd€ f⁰r s⁰m€b⁰dy l¹k€ m€..."

...

Ed Sheeran inched closer to him, and Dazai remained frozen in terror. Was this real? Had he... had he really found him?

His mind flashed back to two years ago, when he had been in the Port Mafia and dating Ed. Towards him, he was the sweetest man alive, and always treated him right... Until one fateful night he found him emerging from the skin of his boss, and realised that he had been stalking him throughout her entire life.

Now that Ed was here again, infront of him... Dazai was too terrified to move. The fact that he had wrapped himself in the skin of the boy he loved most... It was too much for his silly little suicidal brain to handle.

As the ginger skinwalker creeped over to the bed, she couldn't move. Despite his insides screaming at her, his limbs were completely frozen...

"Is this my fate...?" Dazai whimpered, watching him lick his lips as he came only closer. "To die at the hands of... a ginger?"

A single tear rolled down the curve of his cheek, and the taste of salt bloomed across his lips and tongue. Sniffling gently, Dazai desperately tried to imagine she was somewhere else.

"Im sure this is just a dream, right...?" He whispered to himself as the monster that was Ed Sheeran began to reach his bony fingers for his bandaged throat. "This is just a dream..."

Dazai was so intent on trying to wake up from this 'dream', that he barely felt his hot, sticky breath on his cheek. He barely felt Ed's yellowed nails digging into the bulge of his throat. He barely heard the maniacal laughter coming from him as he lost consciousness. All he felt, all he knew, was that he was going to wake up any moment now.

...

Any moment now...

...

Any... any moment...

...

...

...

...

...

Dazai never woke up.

***

From that day onwards, Ed Sheeran lived inside the body of the one he loved most. The one he had devoted his entire life to, his entire being to. Dazai Osamu was the only mortal man who could ever make him happy, and now his skin was all his.

Just like he planned.

(60 years later)

"Why don't you come here and give your grandma a hug, silly!" Grandpa Dazai croaked and bent his hunched back to pick up his grandbaby. "Come on, dinner is almost ready, why don't you help me give it a stir?"

Smiling innocently, the child stumbled hand in hand with its grandpa into the kitchen, where the scent of roast beef was wafting throughout the room. Grandpa Dazai hobbled over to the stove to stir the bubbling pot of gravy, humming a tune to himself as he walked...

"... g¹rl y⁰u kn⁰w ı wªnt y0ur l⁰ve..."

...

"... y⁰ur l⁰v€ wªs hªndmªd€ f⁰r s⁰m€b⁰dy l¹k€ m€..."

...

The end.

A/N: This is 1100 fucking words what am I doing with my life

1169 words