as the world caves in - grian angst (scarian)

Caving

TWs: Self-hatred, self-harm.

Grian's POV

Beep... beep... beep...

I groan as my alarm clock wakes me up for work.

"I don't want to today...," I muttered, rolling over to turn off my alarm. I stay in bed for a minute, my arm on my forehead, my eyes closed. My clothes felt uncomfortable on my skin, my jeans rubbing against my legs.

Ugh, why did I wear jeans to bed again?

Oh. Yeah.

I wanted to escape from what I had done so I went to bed right as I got home. Yeah, I remembered now.

How terrible of a person I was.

I held my head in my hands. I wanted to stay home today, to wallow in my guilt. I didn't want to face my friends. I didn't deserve them.

Then I felt something jump onto my bed, and soon enough, one of my cats was kneading my chest, meowing. I opened my eyes yo see Pearl there, clearly wanting me to get up and feed her.

"Okay fine, I'm getting up," I groan, gently moving Pearl off of me and sitting up, rubbing my eyes before putting on my glasses and staggering out of bed, checking the time.

6:20 am. I have to be at work at 7, but I definitely have some time to spare. I go over to my closet and open it up, looking for the clothes I wanted to wear today. Where was it?

Ah, there it was. My dark red dress shirt. I grabbed it and a pair of black jeans, changing into them, tucking the shirt into my jeans.

Okay. I'm dressed. Now for... the rest of the things I have to do. I step out of my room, leaving the door wide open, and walk to the bathroom, staring at the mess that was me in the mirror.

God, I look horrible.

I take off my glasses and run cold water from the tap and cup it in my hands, splashing it on my face, rubbing off the dried tears and cooling down my puffy face. I grab my comb and brush out my mess of hair before putting my glasses back on and brushing my teeth. Only then did I dare look in the mirror again.

I still looked... rough, but it was definitely an improvement from before. My face was still slightly red and I had a frown plastered on my face, but other than that, I looked normal. Well, normal for me.

I walk out of the bathroom and head to the kitchen, picking up the food and water bowls of my cats, them chasing after me and meowing incessantly, waiting for their food and water for the day. I fill up their bowls and placed them on the ground, frowning as I realized I was out of cat food. I threw the bag away and headed back to my room, grabbing a few things I needed while I was in there.

My watch, which I put on, my keys, my wallet, my phone and my portfolio bag, which I hastily shoved a few drawings into. I checked the time.

6:50 am.

Shit. I'm gonna be late if I don't leave right now.

I rush out of my room, slipping on my shoes quickly at the front door before opening it and closing it behind me, quickly locking it. I hurry down the stairs of my apartment complex, pushing the front door open harshly and run out, sprinting towards my office building.

I get into the building, sweating as I went up to the third floor, quickly clocking in, looking at the time.

Exactly 7 am. At least I'm not late.

I sighed, heading for my desk and sitting down, placing down my portfolio bag and pulling out the concept drawings I had drawn up, muttering little criticisms about them.