as the world caves in - grian angst (scarian)

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TWs: Self-hatred, blood, mentions of self harm

Grian's POV

I woke up with a headache, my head pounding with sharp pains. My whole body ached, but my right hand and left leg hurt the most, the pain seeming to radiate from there, but I didn't know why.

Oh wait.

I remembered what I had done and slowly sat up from the pool of blood that I was laying in, prying my bloody hand open and digging the razor blade out of my skin, whimpering softly in pain as I removed the sharp piece of metal that had previously been embedded into my skin from my palm. I grab my glasses from the floor and shakily place them on my face before turning my attention to my leg.

Oh god. It looked horrible.

My whole upper leg was caked in blood that had been left to spill out of the gashes I had made in my leg without cleaning them off. I should clean my leg off. I looked down at the rest of my body. Well really, I should shower.

Wait. What time is it? I have work today!

I groan as I look at the clock on the bathroom wall. 5 am.

Ok. I have time to shower and figure this whole mess out I guess.

I push myself to my feet, using the bathroom sink to help pull myself up. My left leg shakes and cries out in pain as I put weight on it, almost falling out from underneath me, but I catch myself and manage to stay on my feet. I lift my leg up a little bit, keeping my weight off of it.

How was I going to shower like this?

I shook my head and got the water started, stripping off my clothes that were caked with blood and in utter disarray from a night of sleeping on the floor.

When the water was warm enough, I got into the shower, leaning against the wall for support. I roughly clean the blood off of my body despite my body crying out in pain, as if telling me to stop it. But I didn't.

When I was done, I got out of the shower and dried off, wrapping a towel around my waist, putting on my glasses and hobbling over to the door, avoiding the pool of dried blood on the floor; that's a problem for future Grian, slowly unlocking it and making my way across the corridor to my bedroom, my cats meowing behind me anxiously. I shake my head, ignoring them for now, and walk into my bedroom, closing the door behind me and limping over to my closet, leaning against the wall as I searched for some clothes for the day.

"Come on...," I muttered, searching the closet for a good shirt to wear. Ah, a red jumper. Perfect. I grab it and a pair of black jeans, changing into my clothes for the day, wincing as I brush over the cuts in my skin.

I sit on my bed for a minute in silence, before reaching for my phone e and grabbing it, wincing as the bright light of the screen shone in my face. I squinted, adjusting to the light before unlocking my phone, looking through my notifications.

Oh, a message. I wonder who from?

I open it up. Scar had texted me last night.

—Scarred Fellow—

5 hours ago
>> Hey G, I'm coming over, I'm worried about you.

I froze as I read the message. He had come over last night? Well he obviously hadn't come inside, but I couldn't help but wonder if he knew what had happened last night, what I had done to myself.

No, there was no way. He was probably just checking on me since I didn't go to the party, that's all.

Right?