as the world caves in - grian angst (scarian)

Black Out

TWs: Self hated, self harm.

Grian's POV

I woke up to my alarm, a headache pounding violently against my head and a stinging pain in my left leg. I turn off my alarm, rubbing my nose bridge as I sit up, grabbing my glasses and putting them on, keeping my eyes closed in hopes of helping my headache. Suddenly there was a furry warmth laying in my lap, purring. Pain shot through my left leg as pressure applied to it and my eyes shot open to reveal Maui on my lap, waiting for me to pet him. I moved him off my lap and he meowed in protest, attempting to get back onto my lap. I pulled my legs up to my chest to avoid it, and Maui meowed loudly, still begging to be pet.

I pet him, feeling his soft, comforting fur against my hand, his purrs loudly rumbling out of his throat. I stayed there for a moment, enjoying the peaceful moment I was having despite my headache and the pain in my leg. Then I decided it was time to get up and get ready for work, despite how much I really didn't want to.

I slowly stood, putting most of my weight on my right leg, walking over to my closet with a soft hum as I opened it, searching for some clothes to wear in the still darkness of my bedroom. I grab a pair of jeans and a red jumper, slowly changing my clothes. Before I put on my jeans though, I squinted at my bare leg, tracing the healing scars softly with my finger, wincing slightly at the pain but still continuing on anyways. They were starting to scab over, the skin beginning to knit itself back together again, slowly but surely.

I should make more cuts. I deserve it.

I blink in surprise at the sudden thought. I decide it was finally time to put on my clothes and get going to work, despite not wanting to go. My stomach growls softly as I finish getting dressed, and begin to comb out my hair with my fingers. I put on my watch and grab my phone, keys and portfolio bag, heading out of my bedroom, pulling on my shoes and heading out the door, locking it behind me, hobbling down the stairwell of my apartment building, looking at my phone as I walked to work, squinting in the painfully bright light of the rising sun.

Oh, I have a message from Scar.

I tap the notification, opening it.

—Scarred Fellow—

10 hours ago
>> Do you need any help with work? I'm always up to help if you need it!

8 hours ago
>> Oh, I guess you fell asleep. Or you're ignoring me, but I know you wouldn't do that, haha.
>> See you tomorrow G!

I scoff, laughing a bit at his text messages. He always did let his thought process be known through his texts.

Yeah, I fell asleep. I wouldn't ign <<

I began to type out the message, but bit my lip. The last part was a lie. I would. I would ignore him for his own good. I delete the text and put my phone back into my pocket, heading into the office building, mindlessly walking up the stairs and clocking in, sitting at my desk and pulling out my supplies, working on the concept I had started yesterday. There was an itch in my aching left leg so I mindlessly scratched at it, my short nails doing next to nothing for the itch, especially through jeans.

"Oh well, guess I'll just have to live with it," I muttered out loud unknowingly. I felt a hand in my shoulder and I jump, turning around quickly.

"Live with what?" Scar asks, a smirk on his face, moving his hand to his side. I blink at him, the realization that I had spoke out loud hitting me. I rubbed the back of my head, my headache still pounding inside my head.