Super Regrets

Canada was a Blast

When I walked into the women's washroom, I was relieved to see that no one was in there.

Suddenly I felt a gloved hand come from behind and cup my mouth. I let out a high pitched, yet muffled scream.

"Be quiet you idiot," scolded Bette. "We are being watched. Why couldn't you just leave things alone? We had some happy memories didn't we? Now that you are here, you are going to ruin everything."

I turned and looked at her. This was the first time I ever saw her in a different outfit. She was wearing a long beige trenchcoat, buttoned all the way up to her neck.

I was a little rattled, seeing this part of Bette's personality for the first time. I tried to make things right with her. "I'm sorry Bette, I don't mean to make things difficult for you. I just needed to see you. You left so quickly, and the FBI, they made me..."

Bette frowned, "So it is the FBI. What do they know?" she asked.

"They called you a terrorist Bette. They said that they don't know what you're up to, but they knew you were in Ottawa. They tapped my phone."

Bette fluttered her eyes at me and softened her voice. I immediately fell under her spell. I remembered why I was so taken with her in the first place. "I am no Terrorist Tyler. I am struggling for the freedom of my people. The Quebecois have been oppressed by the Canadian regime for far too long. I need to send a message, that they have to let my people go. You can understand that, can't you Tyler?"

I didn't understand. I didn't know anything about Canadian politics, but if my lady needed help, I was going to give it to her.

"How can I be of service?" I asked her, trying my best to sound heroic.

Bette hesitated for a moment, then told me to come with her. She opened a bathroom stall and to my surprise, it was an empty space with a hidden trap door. Bette opened it, revealing a long underground passageway.

"Where does it go?", I asked.

"Freedom", she said.

We followed the tunnel, a long narrow, dirt packed corridor. It led to a dead end and a ladder, illuminated from above through a large vent.

Bette went first, cautiously climbing the ladder, lifting the vent, and peeking around. Once she was satisfied it was safe, she climbed out. I followed her up into a large ornate hallway. I realized that were now somewhere inside the Canadian Parliament building.

Bette ripped off her trenchcoat, revealing a skin tight purple jumpsuit with various silver orbs attached to it.

I had never seen anything so glorious in my life.

"Here's the plan", Bette said, while detaching and handing me a dozen or so of the silver orbs. "I go this way, and you go that way. Stick one of these on the wall every twelve feet or so. We will meet in the middle on the other side, and go out the back together."

"Okay, sounds good," I said. I gave her a thumbs up, and ran off in the direction she indicated.

I began sticking the orbs on the wall. I placed them every twelve feet, just like she told me. It felt amazing that Bette and I were doing something together again. Was I whistling?

I was just placing my second orb, when I heard a deafening crash. It came from the area where Bette was headed. I was worried, so I ran back to check on her.

I saw a massive hole in the ceiling, and pieces of stone and plaster were scattered everywhere. Bette was lying on her back, a few feet past the opening, looking stunned.

We both looked up in shock as a shimmering silver man with red gloves and a red symbol on his chest levitated to the ground. "Holy crap!" I thought, "is that Captain Atom?" I saw him before on TV and in photographs, but nothing ever prepares you for the real thing.

He waved one hand back at me and said in a deep voice, "Thanks citizen, I'll take it from here." He turned towards Bette, as she staggered to her feet.

"You'll never take me alive Atom!" she yelled, "Now face the full wrath of Plastique!" With that, she unleashed a powerful blast out of her hands. It looked devastating! I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

To my surprise, Captain Atom stood there and soaked it all in. "Thanks, that felt kind of warm," he said, before redirecting her blast back towards her. Bette flew backwards about ten feet and crumpled to the ground.

Captain Atom calmly walked up to Bette. He placed a special type of handcuffs on her and flicked a switch. A red light illuminated on the bands, and he said, authoritatively, "That should take care of those blasts of yours until we can get you to Belle Reve Prison.

The two FBI agents walked in and Captain Atom handed Bette over to them. I stood there, holding the silver discs that Bette had given me, wondering what was going to happen next.

As they led Bette past me, I told her I would wait for her.

She glared at me, "You idiot! You led them right to me! Don't call me. I don't want to see you, or hear from you ever again. I thought you would be useful, but you ruined everything!"

Feeling used, I asked her, "Was any of it real Bette?"

Bette looked back towards me. " I did kind of like the bank," she said.

With that, It finally dawned on me that there was no hope for this relationship.

All things considered, I made out pretty well. The FBI wanted to keep the details of their operation quiet, due to the fact that they ran an operation on Canadian soil.

Bette was sent to a special prison for super powered criminals, and I was sent home and told to forget everything that happened. The only consequence for me was that I was no longer allowed back in Canada.

I went back to my apartment, and tried to resume a normal life. After some time the heartbreak faded, and I began to feel better. The one thing that stuck with me, was that I was now forever obsessed with putting gravy on my french fries. I chased that experience for the rest of my life, but could never find satisfaction with inferior American fries and gravy.

If you should ever travel to the Great White North and sample their delicious fries and gravy, hold onto it. Don't ever let anyone take that away from you.