Erythrophobia

Chapter 2: What a Mess...

Note: tw// mention of vomiting

This chapter's theme is OBLIVIUS by The Strokes.

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Diluc's actions last night weren't unprompted, necessarily— He's had a lot of time to think about things.

It has been almost 2 years since he returned and over 5 years since he first ran away.

Having time to wind down and think about things instead of fighting against the Fatui has been... insightful.

The memories from those 4 years are somewhat muddy for him, as he was purely fueled by rage and bloodthirst in an attempt to forget what caused him such pain in the first place. It seems foolish to him now, seeing as he reverted into an antisocial recluse who only goes out to do bartending shifts, required business ventures, or personal missions.

Sure, he lives in a building with many people, but Diluc wouldn't say interacting with the maids counts as socializing exactly.

However, his fire was never truly quelled in the end. It was simply put on the back burner. He neglected his responsibilities for long enough, feeling guilty later on for Elzer and Adelinde, the Ragnvindr estate's two most loyal employees.

Diluc has changed a lot. He is no longer a bright-eyed boy with a dream for something much larger than himself. Rather, he's resigned to the life that was given to him on a silver platter, one that he never appreciated fully. Tossing away his knighthood, he became a wine tycoon who stands out only for his sheer success; success that he did not pioneer.

He isn't the only person who changed, however.

Kaeya Alberich.

When he returned, Kaeya did not hide from him. He did not scowl, nor share words of contempt. He had a smile plastered on his face, practiced and unrecognizable.

He gave Diluc a gift, one that he did not expect.

His vision.

He remembered, at that moment, how he had tossed his vision aside all those years ago.

Seeing how Kaeya not only kept it but gave it back to him without hesitation made him feel... confused. He wasn't sure how to feel.

He abandoned his vision, a gift from the Archons, that he had used to injure his brother.

His brother, who had also received a vision because of it.

But rather than a gift, it's probably a constant reminder.

Diluc wonders if Kaeya thinks about that night every time he uses his vision.

Not only that, he realized later on that Kaeya was now "Alberich" and no longer a Ragnvindr.

When did he change it?

Diluc knows it's unrealistic to believe he would still want to be his brother after what happened, but he can't deny how his heart sank when he heard of it.

Things had changed.

He had changed.

Kaeya had changed.

And change scares him. It makes dread pit deep in his stomach and anxiety prick at his skin.

Maybe that's why Kaeya's truth was too much for him to handle that day. Everything was changing before his eyes, and fear turned into rage.

But in the present, all he feels is regret. He reacted shamefully, so now he has to bear the guilt.

During Diluc's years away, everything was repressed— he kept himself too busy to process the trauma. So after he had returned and settled back in, it all hit him full force.