Waste and Want

Chapter 17

Severus wanted to get very drunk, but he was determined to do everything right this time around. No alcohol, no coffee, eat only the prescribed foods, eat often, rest when tired. He wasn't going to fail this child like he had failed Simon.

But he really, really wanted to get drunk.

Severus found himself back at Lily's cottage, morose and downtrodden. She had taken one look at him and ushered him inside. There were already a few boxes scattered around the place, filled with keepsakes and picture frames, dishes and clothes. Lily kicked one out of the way to make a path to the couch. Severus let himself fall onto it, feeling strangely exhausted. Lily curled into the seat next to him, watching and waiting.

"I spoke to Lucius," Severus said at last.

He could feel Lily tense. "And…?" She asked.

"He told me to leave the country. I don't think… I don't think we'll talk again."

Lily sighed. "You knew what you were doing would upset You-Know-Who."

"You don't understand," Severus said and leaned forward, letting his hair cover his face as tears pricked his eyes. "Lucius has always been there for me. He was there when you weren't." He took a deep breath. "If you knew what he's done for me…"

"Tell me," Lily said, her voice gentle, wanting to understand.

So, he did. He told her about David, about Quentin, that night in the kitchen when Quentin appeared, drunk, making threats. "He said it was only right he got to enjoy what he was owed," Severus parroted, the words having been burned into his brain. "He made a grab for me and pulled out his wand. All I cast was a Knock-Back Jinx, I swear, I didn't use any Dark curses–" Lily made shushing noises and ran her fingers through his hair. "He fell," Severus choked out. "He landed on a vase. It broke and a piece– it had gone through his neck. He bled out in minutes. I was a poor, pregnant half-blood and I was already lying about the identity of the baby's father. I didn't know who else to turn to. I contacted Lucius. He took care of it. He made it look like a robbery gone wrong. He never asked me for anything, never held it over my head. He cared for me."

He was sure she would pull away at that, recoil at what he had allowed to happen, but all she did was continue to stroke his hair. "Sev," she said, but he didn't look up.

"Severus."

He braced his elbows against his knees and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. Lily stopped stroking his hair and moved away from him. She knelt in front of him and grasped his wrists, tugging a little. "Severus, listen to me," she said. "You trusted me with your secret, now I'm going to trust you with mine."

Severus let her pull his hands away to look down into her green eyes. "I'm not leaving the country," she told him. "I'm going into hiding because there's a prophecy that states Harry will vanquish You-Know-Who. I was going to ask you to be my Secret Keeper last time you were here, but… you told me you were pregnant, and I couldn’t ask you to do that. Dumbledore thinks you’ll go running to the Death Eaters with this information to save your own skin, but I know you, Sev. I know you would never willingly put me in danger.”

Severus was yanked from his spiral by Lily’s confession, and all he could do was stare at her in confusion. “What? Prophecy?” He asked.

“There was a prophecy that said the one that would vanquish You-Know-Who would be born as the seventh month dies to parents who had thrice-defied him. That fits Harry, and also the Longbottom child. The prophecy says that You-Know-Who will mark him as his equal. Dumbledore kept it a secret for as long as he could, but You-Know-Who somehow found out about it. The Headmaster wants us to go into hiding for our own safety.”