𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙖𝙮 ;

Little bean 🫛

It's been 5 years already and you know how much I regret every damn thing.

My little AJ, you will always be remembered. 🤍
I always wished and prayed for you to at least have a glimpse of the world and for the world to see you, my little bean. Unfortunately, life is not always good for me. I guess that's the reason why you're taken away from me in the first place.

Other than the fact that I was still young, reckless, and hopeless at that time if I knew, I would do everything to keep you, to keep you safe. I still blame myself every day and probably for the rest of my days, for not taking care of you, the very first reason why I lost you. You're my second lifeline, my little one.. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.

My heart aches, every time I see little ones who's supposed to be your same age. You would be loved and adored by the people around you.

Nanay would be so delighted to see you.
Mama would be happy to have you and she'll probably take care of you.
Papa might go home if we made it. (and if you made it)
Your Tres Tito's would spoil you and might give you the world.
You should've met the life of my life, your Tita Denden.
My best friends would help me to guide and raised you, if we were able to make it, my little one.

Life is really unpredictable and I hope I was able to protect yours. Today, marks the day that I completely lost you. And it took years for me to accept everything.

5 years, and I didn't even get the chance to know if you're a he or a she. I wasn't able to shed a tear by hearing your heartbeat. I still wish to see those little feet of yours. Your future smile and laugh is still haunting me in my dreams.

I hope your Lolo Tony and Nanay Celing is with you in heaven. I wouldn't wish for you to guide me, whereas, I should be doing that for you from the start. But I'm a different person already and I grew so much from all the mistakes that I've done including the part that I wasn't able to protect you, instead, I'm the reason why you're not here.

Even so, always remember that your Momma Jeys will always love you, my little bean. I will always be thankful that you came and you became a part of my life. Even in a short span of time, I got to feel how it feels like to be a mother, because I got the chance to carry you even just for a little while.

I will always carry you in my heart and I will keep your memory forever. I love you so much, my AJ. You will always be my little bean. You will always be remembered.🫛

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"Wooden floors and little feet
A flower bud in concrete
Feelin' so incomplete
Wonder will we ever meet?
And would you know it right away
How hard I try to see your face?"
— More •• by Halsey

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"And when you decide it's your time to arrive
I've loved you for all of my life
And nothing could stop me from giving a try
I've loved you for all of my life
Loved you more
Somehow, I still love you more
Love you more
Somehow, I still love you more"
— More •• Halsey