Through the Lens

22

Grinning, he drove on. When he pulled up to school, I was sort of taken aback. Getting out, he walked around the car while I sat. It was night, and there weren't any activities going on. It was kind of weird to see the school like this.

Opening my door, he held out a hand to me. Taking it, I was momentarily scooped in his arms. Looking up at him, he bent down and brushed his lips across mine. I wasn't a pro at kissing. Still an amateur, I paid more attention to what I was doing than how it made me feel. Josh had plenty of girls to compare me to and I didn't want to look like an idiot. I wanted to relax but I was so nervous about making a mistake. I did my best to match his actions with that of my own.

Finally, we broke apart long enough for us to catch our breath. At the close of the car door, we ended up in the end zone of the football field. Dark as it was, I could imagine the bright lights and I could hear the crowd roar with anticipation of a win.

"So this is where the magic happens," I said.

Looking up into the sky with the moon full and shining what little light there was down on us, he said, "This is where my Dad wants the magic to happen."

Although he was responding to me, it was as if I wasn't there. Then he tugged on my arm, leading us to the stands. We didn't sit in the first row. He pulled us into the third. "I always wondered what it would be like to sit here and watch a game."

His eyes held that faraway look. He was fighting his own demons, and I wasn't sure what to say. "Can't you just tell him no?" I asked.

Focusing his eyes on me for the first time since we stepped on the field, I saw that was a big no. "It's not that easy. Even though I hear my Mom tell him to stop living his dream through me, I don't want to disappoint him, you know?"

Nodding, I held his hand tighter. This wasn't a problem I could solve for him. All I could do was be there for him. Like a friend. That thought gave me pause. Josh was the first guy I ever dated and I wasn't sure how I should feel. He was great to look at. But the nervousness I felt was fear not living up to the other girls he was with, not the nervous anticipation from wanting to be with him.

Staring into the darkness, I felt my hair, which I'd worn loose tonight, brush away from my shoulder. Then his hand cupped the base of my skull, gently turning me. There in his eyes, I felt his heated desire. When he moved me to meet his kiss, I did. There was feeling in that kiss. Strong emotions that came from all the things he couldn't say. I tried to respond in kind, but the passion of being here was his alone.

Soon his hand found my collarbone and glided down my hair to grip me at my waist. I had never been kissed like this. Well, heck, I had only been kissed a few times, and most of them with Josh. Feeling breathless, I pulled back a little to take in some air. Too soon, his mouth was on mine. His hand skimmed across my stomach and up along my ribcage where it stopped.

As if I had answered his question, he moved his hand and skimmed it over my breast. I froze. He froze. Pulling back, his hand dropped away.

Following his hand's safe retreat to his own lap, I met his gaze. I saw confusion and maybe even a hint of anger there.

"I'm sorry... I thought...," he stammered. His hand brushed over his head like he didn't know what to do or say.

I did. "You thought what?" It was a question, but there was annoyance in my own words. Did he think I was an easy target? Had this been what all his attention was about? Ask the lame girl out, and she will give it up with no problems.

"I thought this is what you wanted," he managed to say.

Leaning back from my astonishment at his words, I hardened my eyes. "What. I. Wanted," I said enunciating each word.