Through the Lens

36

Many times after that night, I'd wanted to confess my love for Ethan. However, the moment never seemed right.

"Are you nervous about graduation?" I asked Ethan.

He looked over at me from his reclined position on the lounge chair by his pool. It was a balmy night. We'd gone swimming this afternoon. As night crept in on our last night as high school students, my alone time with him would be cut short. The plan was to attend a graduation party a senior with a huge house much like Ethan was throwing.

"No," he said. After a huge pause, he added, "I do wonder about going away for school."

That was my fear. We had not coordinated our school choices. So much was happening when applications were due. He and I had been accepted at different schools. "We won't be that far apart," I teased, covering my own fear.

"I'll be there bugging you every chance I get," he said, looking at me with his amazing eyes.

"Right, all the girls are going to chase you until you forget about me," I halfheartedly replied.

"I'm just a motorcycle ride away," he said, quickly overriding my insecurities.

We weren't going to be far from each other, I told myself. He was going to Penn State University and I was going to Swarthmore College. Both were near Philadelphia, PA. Yet, I knew, we wouldn't be attending classes or seeing each other every day. Things could change.

"I guess, I'll go upstairs and get changed," I said, feeling slightly less enthusiastic than I did a minute ago.

Getting up, he tugged me on his lap. "You're ready to go to the party," he said.

Shaking my head, I kissed both of us breathless while straddling him. We'd spent the entire senior skip day together. But he was wrong. I wasn't ready to leave. His mother was miles away back in California. Once again, we had the house to ourselves. My eighteenth birthday had passed, and my parents' rules finally relaxed some. I think they knew that because I was legal, I could walk away from them. I wasn't planning to do that. Hell, I needed them to fund my college. I'd learned long ago not to bite the hand that fed me. More than that, it was the night before graduation. My parents weren't hypocrites and knew about the fun to be had this night. They weren't expecting me home anytime soon.

"I love you, Ethan," I said for the first time. He stilled and there was a raw intensity behind his stare. "And I'm ready," I added in a firm whisper. I hadn't mentioned this since prom night. An honestly, I had been scared that evening. But now, I knew with all my heart this was what I wanted whether or not Ethan repeated my words back to me.

With strength I didn't know he possessed, considering the position in which we sat, he stood up still holding me while my legs were wrapped around his waist. Pulling back a little so that our lips were no longer joined, he said, "I love you, too." It was only the second time he'd said it. Like everything else, he hadn't put any pressure on me.

"I don't want to go to the party," I said, reaching around my back and untying my bikini top. Ethan's mouth stopped partway open. "Kiss me," I breathed, while he held me close the only thing keeping my top from falling

"Jess," he whispered, voice strained.

"I'm sure," I said, answering his unspoken question.

Our mouths melded together in molten heat. Our bodies fastened together like magnets. My skin crackled with electricity. All of this played out as he made his way into the house and up the stairs. In his room, he let me slide to my feet. There was no denying parts of him were so ready for all I offered him. We tongued danced our way to his bed. And for the briefest of seconds, I wondered how many girls before me had been in there.

"None," he said into my mouth, reading my expression. "Only you Jess."

His hands were gentle at first reached into my hair which looked sandier blonde now that the color was washing itself out. He'd waited a long time for this, longer than I imagined he had since he'd lost his virginity, which only made me love him more.

I couldn't stop the squirming I did when he kissed that place at the base of my neck where it met my shoulder. He continued his kisses down my collarbone. When, his fingers danced over my skin, they brushed over tender parts, places that I had no idea would give off the sensations they did. Mini explosions occurred over my body preparing me for what was to come as his actions began to get eager.

Tugging off my bikini top, his exploration only continued. I hadn't been aware where his hands were until I felt freedom from the constraints of my top. I gasped when he rained down warm kisses over my sensitive, formerly private places.

The only thing left were our bottoms. His hands were on the ties of my bikini bottoms when he said, "This is the part where you tell me to stop."

"No stopping," I breathed, with my hands, exploring the plains and muscle lines of his firm chest covered in silk-like skin.

Freed from all clothing, I flushed a little when he looked over me. "Jesus, Jess," he whispered.

I almost pointed out, this wasn't a time or place for religion until his fingers touched the apex between my thighs and words escaped me. Moans of pleasure filled the room, his and mine, because I did some exploring of my own. His skin was softer there than I imagined, yet it was very rigid.

All precautions in place, he placed a scorching kiss to my mouth. My body was fire, and he was melting ice. Together we created steam. And like the red sea, I parted for him giving him access to my one-time gift. There wasn't any doubt in my mind about taking this step. I would have no regrets. He was the one. And no matter what the future held for us, I couldn't imagine sharing this experience with anyone else.

"It's going to hurt a little," he said.

"It's okay, I know," I breathed.

Theoretical and real life were different, however. The pain was sharp and forced a gasp to leave my throat. "Jess," he said, strained unmoving.

"I'm okay," I rasped. It was done. No need to cry over spilled milk. "I love you," I added to ease his mind. This is what I wanted. What I signed up for.

When the earthquake hit our bodies, he murmured,

"I love you, too."