Through the Lens

27

Sitting in Madison's room the next day with Bradley, I gave them the whole story.

"What's going on with you and Ethan?" Bradley asked.

Lying back, I picked at the ribbons of one of the woven pillows in Madison's very pink and blue room. More navy blue than pink, but still. "Nothing," I sighed.

Madison plucked the pillow out of my hand and said, "He's right. You sound like you have it bad."

Covering my eyes with my hands, I said, "It's so wrong. I mean why now? I finally have Josh, and I can't stop thinking about Ethan. And Ethan isn't available, and he's a cheater."

"That's not true," Bradley said. "He said, they had an understanding. In guy speak they are friends with benefits."

"That's just so wrong," I said again. "Allie's not the type of girl to agree with that."

Bradley looked at Madison. She looked back at him, and they came to some sort of conclusion. "How well do you really know her or either of them for that matter?" she said in a calm voice.

"So what are you saying?" I said, sitting up.

"Well, if he's lying about it, he's not the kind of guy you want to be with. And if he's not, is that the type of relationship you are looking for?" she asked.

Blowing out a gush of air, I said, "No and no." It felt so final. But this is what I needed.

"So what about Josh?" I asked.

Looking at Bradley again, I wondered if they'd talked about this, and this was some sort of intervention. "Don't break up with Josh to be with Ethan. Break up with Josh because you don't want him."

Driving home, I didn't have answers. I liked Josh. So I didn't feel like I thought I would after crushing on him so long. Maybe it took time to develop feelings for someone. And maybe the things I felt for Ethan were nothing more than crushing on him from afar. Madison was right. Ethan was totally off limits for so many reasons. I wouldn't drop him as a friend, but I would continue with the mindset that he wasn't available whether he was or wasn't.

Ethan wasn't at school on Monday, so I didn't bother with Yearbook Club. It was raining so hard, I also figured, I didn't want to wait out in the rain for Jenna. So I went home with Bradley. Although Ethan finally showed up on Wednesday, we barely spoke. But I understood his pattern. When he was mad, he ignored me.

Friday after school at my locker, Madison stopped me. "I can't meet you tonight at the party," she said.

Pouting, I said, "Why?"

"I'm ready to do it," she said, with an expression of pure delight.

"Do what?" I asked, confused.

"It," she said, expressing the word like it should mean something. Then it did.

"Oh my gosh, are you serious?" I asked.

Nodding, she said, "I'm ready."

Wow, it felt like the world was ready. What was wrong with me? Was I that lame?

After leaving school, sitting in the back seat of the car with my best friends, I was alone. Not because they excluded me. I just thought about Ethan and the girl in red, my brother and a nameless female, my sister and her longtime boyfriend, and now my best friends. They were all part of some secret society I knew nothing about. Should I want to do it? I should have asked how Madison knew. Did she test the waters, or did she wake up one day and just know. We were friends, but Bradley was my friend, too. Maybe she felt like she couldn't discuss these things with me until she was sure.