When it's all over

Alone

I was sitting on a barstool in my kitchen eating cereal and listening to Holden talk about this girl he liked.

"So, what should I tell her?" I was not listening to this conversation but I knew it had something to do with relationship advice and i know nothing about that.

"Listen Holden I don't think I'm the person to be asking about this." He looked at me and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah you're probably right, it's not like you have any particular guy wrapped completely around your finger." Was he talking about Jake.

Before I could respond he left. It had been two days since Jake and I had kissed. After he brought me home Friday night he never texted or called and I didn't either.

I wondered if I did something wrong or if he realized he didn't like me. But I couldn't do this I've gotten close to Jake in the past two weeks and I thought we were friends but he said he might want to be more.

I was ok with friends at least I had someone to talk to. But if he realized he didn't want to be more maybe he thought it would be awkward to be friends now.

Then my phone dinged. I picked it up as fast as I could thinking maybe it was from Jake. But no it was my mom.

Hey honey I have to stay late for work. If you get hungry there are leftovers in the fridge or you can go pick something up. Love you

Ok mom love you too

I had just ate cereal anyways but it was just four so I thought I could go pick something up for later because I know mom will want to eat leftovers and Holden is out with his friends.

I threw on a hoody and my Air Forces and got in my car. It was pretty cold outside. It was early November.

I got to the grocery store and I just planned on getting some frozen chicken strips or some crap. Then as I was checking out I saw Joslin. It was the first time I had really saw her just not at school since I texted her that one day.

I walked past her and smiled just to be nice. She gave me a cold mean look. It hurt someone I used to be such good friends with couldn't stand the sight of me. I hurried and went to my car. I got in it and cried the whole way home.

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Last night was awful. Once I got home I ate some and went to sleep. I was currently putting on a jacket so I could leave for school.

I walked out to my car and it wouldn't start. I yelled at my car and beat in the steering wheel. What a perfect way to start an already crappy day.

Holden was at football workouts and I knew he would be here in time, my mom was at work, I was not about to reach out to a boy I kissed three days ago and hasn't talked to me since, and I had no other friends.

I decided I was skipping today I went back inside threw my bag in the floor of my bedroom and laid down.

I just cried more and more. I was frustrated, angry, and sad.

I fell back asleep and woke up about three hours later. I looked over at my phone. It was 10:32. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

I put on a hoodie and my slippers and walked outside to check the mail because I had ordered something for Holden for Christmas and was waiting for it to come in.

I walked outside and there was a truck sitting in my driveway. I knew that truck all too well. I walked over to the driver side door and it rolled down. I knew I had to face this, I had to figure out what was going on between Jake and I.

"Hi." He said and I saw his eyes light up slightly.

"What are you doing here Jake? It's almost 11 o'clock on a Monday, why aren't you at school?"
His face drooped.

"I could ask you the same thing." He was still smiling. He got out of his truck and was standing face to face with me.

"Well my car wouldn't start and my mom and Holden already left and I didn't have the energy to deal with anything today."

"Why didn't you call me?" I knew he would ask that.

"Because I don't know what we are right now Jake and honestly I can't loose another person and I thought if we talked about it I might loose you too." I began to cry.

"Listen Le we can be whatever you want if you want us to just stay how we were and not talk about it that's ok."

I leaned in and hugged him. I liked Jake I knew I did but I couldn't loose him too.

"Can we just be friends. It's not that I don't like you Jake I just need a friend right now. If you hadn't noticed I don't have many of those." He smiled a sad smile but a smile.

"Of course Le." And we stood there and he let me hug him.