Hate That I Love You

13

Damian

"Welcome back, Damian." My therapist greeted and shook my hand.

"Thank you, Dr. Green."

As we sat down in our designated seats, he asks, "So. How was your week, son?"

I blew out an exasperated breath. "Where do I begin?" I humorously chuckled.

"Whichever feels more comfortable for you. We have an hour, so there's enough time." I filled my therapist in on the most dramatic events that's been occurring in my life at the moment. I also mentioned a phone call that was received with no caller ID attached. Come to find out it was from Emilio.

"How did it make you feel that he called you?"

"Irritated. Frustrated. Confused."

He nodded as he wrote in his notepad. "Damian, let's dig deeper. Do you feel like you deserve some answers as to why you were abandoned all those years ago?"

"Come to think of it.... Maybe. It's just every time I have my run-ins with him, I get so angry I wanna...." I can't tell that part.

"You feel violent."

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Alright, son. Would you ever consider having an open conversation with Emilio during one of these sessions?"

"That depends. Do you have the strength and tolerance if it gets ugly?" I joked yet in all seriousness.

He chuckles. "Damian. I'm a professional at what I do. The question is can you?"

"Hm. I'm gonna have to think about this, doc."

"Remember, son. Intrusive actions come with regretful outcomes." Damn. That's a good one. Never thought of it like that. "Okay. Our last session, we talked about your ex fiancé. Now, you say she's dating your cousin, she got into an altercation with your current girlfriend, and you two recently had a heart to heart. Correct?"

"Yes sir."

"What was the heart to heart about?"

I nervously rubbed my hands against my sweats. "I told Leila I couldn't love her anymore."

"Mm. So that's her name? I see you're finally able to mention it after a long time. When you say you can't love her anymore... do you mean you won't?"

I tilted my head. "What do you mean?"

He laps his leg over the other. "Damian, you can love her. You just won't out of respect for your new love. Do you think what you have now is better?"

"Ava is.... She's different. She's simple. Unproblematic..."

He looks like he's not buying what I'm saying. "After what you just told me, she doesn't sound like she's unproblematic. You spoke so highly of this Leila before. Are you back tracking, because you found out she's dating your cousin?"

I chuckled nervously. "I must be predictable or something."

"Nope. Just stubborn to your own feelings. Now tell me how you really feel."

"Alright." I took a deep breath. "I miss her. The old Leila.At least, before the amnesia. When I saw her at the party I was kind of excited to see her, but I couldn't display that. What set me off was that she... called me Darrian." I laughed. "Sometimes I'm in and out and I have to remind myself that she doesn't have her memories anymore. Then, the feelings diminished when I saw her kissing and dancing on that fu- my cousin. That feeling of craving turned to hate. Which is why I respond the way that I do with her now. I thought she was being spiteful until she confessed to me that she didn't know we were related."