☆彡彡 All x GM (Open Reg) ミミ☆

curhat je

Credit: luna (temen sekolah)/ Lunaluvlesserafim
ll the things I did, like today, I never know that my mother was asking a normal question, I thought she was blaming me again, but she was not, I always wanted to say sorry, but I was always nervous, I had no one to vent on, not even my friends, I always hope my mom would be proud, but she said 'THIS IS WHY NO ONE LIKES YOU' it hurted me, because I've been trying to change myself this past days, so someone would like me, but still, I've never become myself just to entertain everyone, but it never works, cause no matter how I hate myself, no one will like me
This is why I love my phone so much, because of how much I could vent to my problems, I never wanted to be mad at my mom, I just wish I could tell her how sorry I am, mom, if your reading this, I am sorry for you, I'm sorry I have to be borned,I am sorry that you have to go through the pain just to make me borned, I am so sorry
I never wanted to scream at you, but I don't know what you were talking about, so I screamed, but I regretted every single second of my life, I love you mom

She's just trying to make me happy, why am I always fighting and talking back? :(( I just wanna be a normal kid with no mental illness, why do I have adhd, why am I insane, why am I delusional, why do I have anger issues, why do I cry so much?? I love my mom and dad, I do, I just felt so mad that I have to talk back sometimes:((no one actually did liked me, I don't want to send to the mental hospital, I still want to be with my family that treats me like a princess:((

I wanna be normal for once.
-Luna, Indonesia, July 23rd

Why am I such a crybaby? It's just weird how other kids get what they want, it's weird how people got spoiled of their parents, meanwhile here I am being a brat a crybaby a fucking piece of shit that people laugh at 'oh look she's so weakk ahahahha' SHUT UP, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK, IT'S MY OWN PROBLEM, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'VE UNDERSTAND MY MENTAL HEALTH ANYWAYS, DO YOU EVEN KNOW BEING ME?! I NEVER GOT ACCEPTED WITH MY DISABILITIES, FUCK EVERYONE WHO LAUGHS AT ME FOR ACTING LIKE A KID, SO WHAT IF I'M IMMATURE?! I'M 11 AFTER ALL, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN BOTHER WHEN YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME, YOU GROW UP HAVING A PERFECT FAMILY, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR PARENTS ONLY CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID SCORES THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING INSTEAD OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH THAT IS IMPORTANT AND COULD BE USED FOR SMARTER BRAINS?! DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME, DO YOU THINK ALL KID SHOULD BE MATURE?! FUCK ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT.
-Luna, Indonesia, 21:07, August 27th 2023

"Why do you think your mother only cares for your brother??"
When I was extremely sick, she didn't care about me, but when my brother only said his head was dizzy my mother said "oh it's fine, you won't have to go to school tomorrow" and even said everything was my fault and always scolded me for everything, even when I was the one who gave her luck when I was born, and not to mention I care for her more, but why didn't she feel the same for me?? Because I'm a female?! Because she only loves her son? Huh? Why the fuck do I have to live this way, I just want to die, I hate the way I was treated no matter what, my head also hurts you know? And know my sister also has a favourite, oh wow, she's not my favourite person anymore, the only favourite person I have is Angel now, wow, no wonder I always somehow 'dramatic' maybe because you hurt me? Maybe because I'm sensitive? Maybe because my mental is getting weaker everytime you fucking scold me? Think what you did wrong, think about everything you could've do to support me but instead fucking have a favourite son/sibling, right? Well fuck that, I dont wonder why no one likes me now, I'm a clown? Idc, idfc I make everyone laugh, I cry bcs I'm too 'dramatic', because I 'want attention' right? Well that's not fucking true cause I cry because of what you did, I am fucking sensitive after all, and what's wrong with that? Being a fucking crybaby? I don't fucking care, literally, just I hate you, I hope people would stop mistreating.
-Luna,indonesia,23:16, 3-9-2023

I'm so tired of being blamed, why am I always the fault just because I surrendered once doesn't mean I will surrender forever for everyone, not everything, and you don't have to scream like that to my face, I don't even understand why everything is my fault, and every time I cry no one cares, all I want is just a caring family, living sucks, having a normal life sucks, having strict parents sucks, being used sucks, having bipolarity sucks, I hate my life, I just want to kill my self

Why does my parents put me away from my phone every single time I act like a rebel? I don't have abusive parents, but I have toxic parents, I just want to kill my self, all I care is about myself they said, but they didn't even know the reason why, I cry every single day because of my sister and parents, I just wanna live like a normal child, why can't I just be happy for one single day, why do I have to cry because of them? I don't even understand what I did wrong, why is it always me? Why am I the only person that has to suffer from depression in my small family? I swear to God they'll regret if I killed my self, they're gonna cry and miss me, and If they don't, I'll drag them to hell with me, I would kill myself because of this toxic family I have, I just cry all day all night because of them, it would be better if I'm not depressed
-Luna, Indonesia, 16:10, 2023-12-10

why does my mom always mistreats me, im not crazy in love with someone, I just don't want to eat, the reason behind it is also because of depression, mental health, etc, I haven't been healthy lately, and it's because of my toxic parents and teachers, I hope I just had a better person that could understand me more than anything, why does she have to go through my phone, I don't understand what invading privacy could give to you, what reward would u get for invading someone's privacy? Nothing, so stop crossing my boundaries and please respect me, I feel like I would actually kms if this keeps going on like this, I keep crying everytime someone scolds at me, I'm so fucking sensitive, I'm such a ducking crybaby, why does it only happens to me, what did I ever do in my past lifes to deserve this, I'm crying right now, I can't think straight, I just wants to kill myself, it'll be better without me
-Luna, Indonesia, home, 23:06 :(

I'm so sick of this, I've told myself so many fucking times that I'm not a crybaby, but my parents still call me a crybaby even tho I'm just sensitive, fuck this, fuck everyone, I just wanna die, if my luck is so bad anyways then when will I die, when will I get a car to hit me? I don't wanna kms, I just wanna die, everyone would be happy without me, I'm just some sort of toy they play with then throw out, I'm just some useless piece of shit, people always use me for something in my life, they always try to steal something away from me, and then they always spread fake rumors about me cause they're jealous that I'm prettier, goddamn it, I gotta admit tho, I'm pretty, but why do I have to be the person suffering the most, no one knows I have depression and anxiety and even if they know anyways, they wouldn't pay a therapist for me
-23:25, home, 21 November

I wish I could kill my self, I don't care if someone chokes me on the rooftop, I just wanna die, I suffer from severe depression and no one can help it, no one understands me, I just want someone to understand me, so what if I'm sensitive? Maybe I just want you to understand me more, you don't even know I have depression and I really need help, I'm tired. I want to die, I don't want someone misunderstanding me even more than ever, fuck being a good person if I can just die, I'm not healthy because I have depression and I need someone to heal it, somehow, someday, maybe people would stop misunderstanding me, I just want someone to be proud of me, and understands me, they don't even know how much I hate loud sounds, fuck it, fuck everything, I just wanna die, I don't even care if I suffer in hell, it just feels way worse living on earth...
-Friday, 1 December 2023, 00:10