pearl {hsau}

18.

song; 18 // one direction

harry xx

As I walk down the streets of the place I only knew as home; I get reminded that it's not home anymore. That was stripped away four years ago when I left home. At the time I thought that the decision I made would be better in the long run. I'd go to New York, persuade them to sign Margot, come home for her birthday and bring her back with me. But, no matter what I did, I wasn't allowed.

The label thought she would steal all the spotlight from me and that wouldn't be fair.

When I kept questioning why they believed that, the more aggressive they got. They would revise the contract every meeting leading up to me signing it. Rules upon rules that I had to follow made by management and the label.

"No contact for the first year with family."

"No leaving the state of New York unless it's for contractual obligations."

"If you fail to comply you will be blacklisted from the industry and academy."

The lists continued; and any smart man would walk away. But, I was scared of this being my only chance so I went with it. I signed my life away and it's now been four years. Four years of hell.

I always pictured life with fame would have my girl next to me as we made music for each other and for the world. But, no, I am doing it alone. One thing they don't tell you is that fame is not how they make it look on the internet or on tv. It's not all glamorous and fulfilling, if anything it sucks the life out of you.

Especially when you can't dictate anything.

You want to just stay in? No, you have an event where you have to be there at 7 am and not get home until midnight. You want to visit family? Your family doesn't want to see you anymore. Do you want this on the album? No how about this one instead.

I had to beg to come home for my dads funeral. In the end I am only allowed to be here until the funeral and I am to leave right after. Now that I am home, I am not welcomed with open arms by most. Owen wont answer my calls, Margot can't even look at me, my mom is heartbroken. Even those who are happy I am back, I can tell they don't understand why now I am home.

Wish I could just scream out and tell the world that I would if I was allowed.

What really affects me is Margot. The anger and sadness that is riddled through her bones. I understand why; I am not blind as to why she is heartbroken. I broke every promise I made to her in just one night. I left her.

I promised her that I would never leave her side and I did.

I have to fix this before I leave. I have three days to get her to talk to me and there is only one way I know of doing it. When we were younger I didn't have money to get her roses everyday so I got her carnations. But now that I can; she deserves roses everyday.

Stretching my arms before I grab the old blue comforter, throwing it off my body. I look around my old room in my childhood house. Familiarizing how I left it all those years ago. It is kind of weird waking up in my childhood bedroom when I don't even remember a time when it was me waking up alone. Somehow someway me and Margot rarely spent a night alone with each other.

The only night that I remember we went our separate ways was the night before I left. We were up until the early morning hours writing the last song we wrote together, eventually going out to the old willow tree to watch the sun rise. I wanted to tell her.

I wanted to tell her the secret I've kept since the age of 14. But, I got scared from all of the thoughts running through my head. What would she say? Does she feel the same? What if she doesn't see me as more than her best friend? So I didn't tell her.