pearl {hsau}

emails i cant send.

tw: mentions of death and grief 

song; emails i cant stand // sabrina carpenter

margot xx

When Sophia called me the other day to tell me he came in. I thought she was playing a sick and twisted joke on me. But, she then sent me a picture of a massive bouquet of roses.

"He told me to tell you to follow the trail and that you would know what he's talking about." The what? I'm taken back for a second trying to remind myself of any knowledge of what he's talking about.

Then it hits me. The trail around town we took on my graduation day. He wanted to make it special, I thought that would have been the day. The day that maybe he'd say all the words I have been feeling for years.

"Ugh, that means there's flowers all over town. Hey Soph, can you throw away the flowers? Or like put them in your place? I don't want them." Sophia hums on the other end of the line.

"What about the note?"

"Did you read it?"

"No." I sigh. If she would have read it then I'd easily be able to tell her to throw it away.

What would the note say?

Would it have a mediocre apology?

What if he's actually sorry? I owe it to him then.

But, I also don't owe him anything. He is the one that left and never picked up the phone, wrote any letters back, and never came home.

He broke promises and he's the one who always said; promises mean more than words.

Since that phone call, I have received in total 35 bouquets in the past two days. When I got off the phone with Sophia I had to peel myself out of my warm comfy bed that I planned on staying in all day. But, of course Harry ruined my plans.

Slipping my coat on, I open the front door and another bouquet of flowers was sitting on the wooden porch.

Laying where we sat the early morning hours on the day of my graduation. Harry woke me up to watch the sunrise with him.

I sigh as I pick up the bouquet and take it back into the house before heading back to my car. I think about the next place we went. Breakfast at Starlight was next.

I head towards Starlight parking once I get there. "Margot, isn't it a bit too early for you?" Darla asks as she wipes down the counter. Chuckling to myself I nod.

"Hey is there-"

"A bouquet of roses a certain someone left for you?" I bite my bottom lip as I slowly nod. "I sat them at your booth." I mouth a "thank you" to Darla before walking back to the corner end booth. The booth that's branded by us for years to come.

I snatch the bouquet off the table and rush back out to my car as I feel my body scum to all of the emotions running through my mind and all of the pent up aggression towards him.

Throwing them in the back seat I throw my head back. Letting out a sob, all of the tears I've held back come streaming. Last night I laid on my couch sobbing for what seemed like hours. When Sophia showed up with wine we drank until I couldn't feel anything.

I was just as confused as I was when he left.

Once I gain my composure I think of the next place. My mind plays all of the memories like an old black and white film reel you'd find in your grandparents attic.